Wednesday, 17 March 2010

Calm Before the Storm?

Last week I noticed a deep sense of calm in me. I was smiley happy all week from a combination of small things: the fact my shoes click when I walk in the office (when I was little I couldn’t wait to be grown up and wear shoes with heels that clicked like Mummy’s shoes, and now I do :) ), I bought a new cardigan from Topshop the weekend before and it has a waterfall front which swishes nicely when I walk and I had a quiet week where I got to solve a lot of people’s small IT issues as it’s like a little win for me each time. They normally aren’t very difficult problems, but I like helping and they have such a big smile when I’ve fixed them.

I found myself switching between thinking ‘Of course I’ll get in, why wouldn’t I get in, my interview went well’, to ‘Well, what will be will be, I can’t change it now, I probably haven’t gotten in because I should have said this and this, but that’s alright because I probably wouldn’t be any good at being a Dr anyway.’ I noticed on New Media Medicine that someone interviewed the day after me had an offer, but she was an undergrad, so it didn’t stress me that much.

It was also an odd week because mr (my bf) was off on exercise all week from Monday to Monday evening and incommunicado. It made me feel like I was kind of on hold all week, wondering what he was up to, hoping he wasn’t too tired and watching the phone in case I had a call to say he’d been pulled off injured. I find it quite strange going from functioning fine on your own to suddenly realising that you care this much for another person that isn’t family and it seems to have snuck up on you without warning.

The weekend went quietly, just like the week really. I got my car insurance sorted and saved £100 by adding Mum as a secondary driver. Score 1 for me :) We went for a nice pub lunch for Mother’s Day, she loved the chocolates I got her for her present and I got some nice lentil and pasta soup made for lunches. Buying lentils is actually quite difficult, believe it or not. Having never tried them before, I thought I’d be brave, but this led to me spending a good 10 minutes with a packet of green lentils in one hand and a packet of lentilles vertes in the other and trying to work out what the difference was between them and wondering if I was just being silly or if the world had conspired on a big joke without telling me. I was actually looking for brown lentils, which are not green lentils or even foreign green lentils. I found out after Sainsbury’s in their wisdom store the brown lentils in the world food section, not with the pulses and other lentils…obviously o_0 But I still don’t know the difference between green lentils and lentilles vertes. I did have a slight geeky moment when describing the only discernable difference between the two to a girl I give a lift to work was that green lentils are smooth and lentilles vertes are like Mendel’s wrinkled peas. *Hangs head in shame, spot the Biologist?*

The start of this week couldn’t be more different. I feel calm, but I think my body is just fretting at a really deep level. I keep waking up every two hours when I’m asleep, all the traffic in the world is on the roads when I’m trying to get to work, so the 15 minute trip is taking me 45 minutes, people at work keep stopping me to ask if I’ve heard anything, my Notts interview is next week, I’m very light on work which leaves me sitting doing nothing while people prepare stuff for me (I hate not being busy) and mr keeps falling asleep on the phone when I’m talking to him (makes me feel mean, like I’m keeping him up) – all in all, this makes for a stressed bean. Peninsula decisions soon perhaps? I really really hope so. I read Internal Optimists blog and I wanna do that!!! There’s a little bean in my head jumping up and down and pouting and stamping her feet because she wants to know now and wants to be reading textbooks and journals and learning interesting things and poking people, now. Arrgh! Patience is so overrated. Pretty please Peninsula?

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