As usual with me I have been busy-busy. We finished the MS case unit, thank goodness and have also done an alcoholic liver disease one. We are about to start our final case unit of the year. Final case unit? All ready? How is that possible? It's on Parkinson's and should be pretty light as we've done most of the extra stuff they wanted bundled in when we did the MS case unit. I had a placement at the GP surgery for the day and completed my final competency for the year in history taking, which I'm pleased to say I got an excellent grade for. I got to take lots of blood and do some INR tests and blood pressures - all pretty standard now, though I remember how excited I was on my first placement to take blood. I've come so far in just a year. It's sad, it's all going by so fast and I'm changing so much. Not that change is bad, just that I can see the change in me when normally it creeps up on you over time and you don't notice it so much.
I went to the BSMS first annual medical student paeds conference over the May bank holiday weekend and had a blast. I met loads of twitter friends in real life which was surreal and left the conference on the Sunday evening feeling inspired and shattered. I had always fancied myself as a paeds neonatologist, but I'm now leaning more towards paediatric general surgery. It's so exciting! I've always thought I wouldn't be clever enough to be a surgeon, but the talks we had were so inspiring and fascinating, the little bean in my head was jumping up and down shouting "that's so cool, I wanna do that, that's so cool!" So there's a good excuse for me to pick up the knitting needles again to maintain my dexterity.
I sat the final AMK of the year last week. I started off thinking that it was really hard, and there was all sorts of stuff that I should have revised and didn't and I panicked a little. From about half way through I found my mojo again though, and when I went back to do a final sweep of the questions I was iffy on I was much more confident. I've answered 91/125 in the end. I knew I didn't answer enough last time, so I've definitely answered more this time around, and the last time I answered that many I got my excellent. However, it's easy to tie yourself in knots going round in circles about whether I was too confident, took too many risks, made silly mistakes, thought I knew more than I did, or made calculated judgements, know more than I think I do and should have more confidence in my abilities. So, I'm going to stop torturing myself, accept that I can't change anything now, be happy that I've passed the other three of the year so I've passed the knowledge module and this doesn't matter too much, and just focus on the fact that I came out of the exam smiling. I am happy with my performance, whatever happens.
I've made my SSU choices for next year. I should hopefully get one from minimum access gyneacology, orthopaedics with a special interest in paediatrics, daydream believer (aneasthetics) and when does a normal labour become an abnormal labour; one from surgery in children, A&E in Plymouth, A&E in Torbay (inc ambulances) and military medicine on the naval base in Plymouth; and finally, one from hyperbaric care, cardiopulmonary bypass, cystic fibrosis and healing the 'hole' (wound management and healing issues). Because I'll be a third year these will all be in theatres or on wards and they are all so exciting I'll be disappointed whatever I get because I'll be missing out on the others, but that's awesome. I've gone for kiddies, ortho and a&e because they are the three specialities I could see myself doing. Paeds general surgery has my heart for now, but it's important to keep an open mind. The other options were ones I thought looked really cool or that I didn't know much about.
Now we've done the AMK and the sun is here it just feels like the end of term. I'm finding it hard to settle down and start panicking about ISCE's coming up in a few weeks, but I think so it everyone to be honest. It's just as well it's nice weather because I've broken my toe and can't wear normal enclosed shoes, I'm living in flip flops. Silly bean. Mr came down this weekend to celebrate his birthday a little late because I was exam cramming, and we had a lovely day sat by the canal in a pub in the sun drinking cider. I made him a death by chocolate ganache cake and we went out with friends for steak and cocktails in teapots. It was perfect. I have my fingers crossed at the moment because mr finds out his posting for the summer soon. He either goes really far away, back to where he was in winter for two months (which was what we were expecting) and so we can go on our holiday we have booked, or he gets pulled off that and sent somewhere else in this country for three months, and has a leave ban so we can't go on holiday. I've got my bags mentally packed and little bean has her floppy sun hat and bikini on, I really need this holiday.
Sunday, 27 May 2012
Thursday, 3 May 2012
I'm Back!
It has been far too long since my last post. Constant reader I'm truly sorry. We had a consolidation week where I worked at the GP surgery. Then we had two weeks of Easter break where I worked at the surgery. Next came three weeks of SSU, where I worked at the surgery. Spot a trend? I've done a lot of work at the surgery and not much else. We're back onto the normal timetable now and our case unit back is MS, which seems to be full of Neurology and cranial nerves, which I hate.
My SSU was called 'Wot you chattin about'. I thought it would be about neuro-linguistic programming, but it turned out to be about active listening, being present/in the moment, quietening your internal narrative and finding your place in the world. I had to write a diary everyday for three weeks about my observations and feelings, write a monologue that was my truth about an important moment, or something I want to say to someone but can't, learn and perform a monologue from Shakespeare and write a final report which I did as a self exploration of active listening and presence and their place in a healthcare setting. It was a bit fluffy, that I can't deny, but actually I really enjoyed it. I haven't done any amateur dramatic stuff for years, and the sessions were all about trust exercises and team building. It was good fun, as long as you were happy to look silly for a few hours. The facilitator encouraged us to try active listening on three people a week, and do some things differently to the way you normally do them - walk on the other side of the road, cross your arms the other way or take your jumper off a different way. The active listening was pretty good, as I did it at work a lot and some of the conversations I had with the patients I could tell that it really meant a lot to them to have a stranger really listen, and they went away visibly happier. It was great that such a simple thing could make such a big difference. It felt like we'd make a deeper connection, and was lovely. I should stop wittering about my SSU in case you all think I've turned hippy on you. Anyway, the short story is I haven't posted because after writing a diary every day for three weeks I was all reflected out and I really liked the SSU and think I may have done well in it.
My results came out and I passed all of the competencies. That was a relief because I was certain I'd failed one of the competencies. All of them were satisfactory with one excellent for 2 person basic life support. So now all that's left is one more AMK and my ISCE's which are like OSCE's - lots of competencies all on one day. *Shiver*
Mr came home!! He's been away overseas for four months and he finally came home. We had a lovely couple of weeks doing not a lot and it was awesome. We did go and see Cabin in the Woods which is an awesome film, I was bouncing up and down for a good few hours after loon grinning and repeating 'Ahhh, that was amazing!', but I am a bit of a Joss Whedon-o-phile. We went to the christening of my cousins beautiful twins, the funeral of my two up boss at the pensions company - a wonderful, inspirational, kind hearted, legend of a man, cruelly taken much too soon. We also found and booked our holiday for this year. I've handed in my resignation for the surgery and confirmed my dates to go back to the pension company in the Summer.
All in all I'm a pretty happy bean, and that concludes the whistle stop tour of my last six weeks. It sure is good to be back with you all.
My SSU was called 'Wot you chattin about'. I thought it would be about neuro-linguistic programming, but it turned out to be about active listening, being present/in the moment, quietening your internal narrative and finding your place in the world. I had to write a diary everyday for three weeks about my observations and feelings, write a monologue that was my truth about an important moment, or something I want to say to someone but can't, learn and perform a monologue from Shakespeare and write a final report which I did as a self exploration of active listening and presence and their place in a healthcare setting. It was a bit fluffy, that I can't deny, but actually I really enjoyed it. I haven't done any amateur dramatic stuff for years, and the sessions were all about trust exercises and team building. It was good fun, as long as you were happy to look silly for a few hours. The facilitator encouraged us to try active listening on three people a week, and do some things differently to the way you normally do them - walk on the other side of the road, cross your arms the other way or take your jumper off a different way. The active listening was pretty good, as I did it at work a lot and some of the conversations I had with the patients I could tell that it really meant a lot to them to have a stranger really listen, and they went away visibly happier. It was great that such a simple thing could make such a big difference. It felt like we'd make a deeper connection, and was lovely. I should stop wittering about my SSU in case you all think I've turned hippy on you. Anyway, the short story is I haven't posted because after writing a diary every day for three weeks I was all reflected out and I really liked the SSU and think I may have done well in it.
My results came out and I passed all of the competencies. That was a relief because I was certain I'd failed one of the competencies. All of them were satisfactory with one excellent for 2 person basic life support. So now all that's left is one more AMK and my ISCE's which are like OSCE's - lots of competencies all on one day. *Shiver*
Mr came home!! He's been away overseas for four months and he finally came home. We had a lovely couple of weeks doing not a lot and it was awesome. We did go and see Cabin in the Woods which is an awesome film, I was bouncing up and down for a good few hours after loon grinning and repeating 'Ahhh, that was amazing!', but I am a bit of a Joss Whedon-o-phile. We went to the christening of my cousins beautiful twins, the funeral of my two up boss at the pensions company - a wonderful, inspirational, kind hearted, legend of a man, cruelly taken much too soon. We also found and booked our holiday for this year. I've handed in my resignation for the surgery and confirmed my dates to go back to the pension company in the Summer.
All in all I'm a pretty happy bean, and that concludes the whistle stop tour of my last six weeks. It sure is good to be back with you all.
Saturday, 31 March 2012
Hell Week Debrief
Hell week is over and I'm a week through Easter Holidays. I got my AMK results back and I'm very happy to say I'm back on track. I'm up from 28.4 to 38.4 and back in the top half of the cohort. I was a little more cautious this time and answered less questions; too few to be honest. They say you should aim for half right and half wrong, and I got 54 right and 24 wrong, so I should attempt a few more next time. I'm still waiting for the results of the competencies. I think I've passed all bar one but it might work out ok in moderation. I was so annoyed with myself because it's the iv cannulation one I've probably failed - the one I practised over and over until I had it down slick. I made such a silly mistake, worse because I didn't know it was a mistake. I got flashback and it started dribbling out the end so I put my thumb over the hole to stem the flow. I had gloves on and the last thing I touched was an alcohol swab so I thought it would be fine, but apparently that's still contamination. So frustrated with myself! I've heard Plymouth people got failed if they didn't get flashback so I'm hoping when they moderate the scores I'll come out all right. I'm not too worried about it because you get several chances to pass and that was the only mistake I made so I'm sure I'll rock it next time.
Sunday, 11 March 2012
Hell Week
This coming week I'm asking for all your good thoughts my way please, we're about to enter what we are affectionately calling Hell Week.
Monday: PBL feedback session presenting our findings to our small group
Tuesday: Competency exams in IV cannulation, cranial nerves and motor examination
Wednesday: PBL feedback and the third AMK of the year
Thursday: Competencies in choking baby, choking child, paediatric basic life support, basic airway management and adjuncts and basic life support with 2 rescuers
Friday: Part 2 of PBL feedback, if we haven't done it Wednesday morning because we are trying to reschedule it so it's not the morning of the AMK.
Not looking forward to this week much. It's a spectacular fail in timetabling, or it's just a ploy to test us to see how we cope under pressure. Either way, not a happy bean.
Monday: PBL feedback session presenting our findings to our small group
Tuesday: Competency exams in IV cannulation, cranial nerves and motor examination
Wednesday: PBL feedback and the third AMK of the year
Thursday: Competencies in choking baby, choking child, paediatric basic life support, basic airway management and adjuncts and basic life support with 2 rescuers
Friday: Part 2 of PBL feedback, if we haven't done it Wednesday morning because we are trying to reschedule it so it's not the morning of the AMK.
Not looking forward to this week much. It's a spectacular fail in timetabling, or it's just a ploy to test us to see how we cope under pressure. Either way, not a happy bean.
Sunday, 4 March 2012
Differential Diagnosis Of...
After the nice break for study week we were straight back in with cervical cancer this fortnight. It was quite a light case compared to the last two, which should be nice, but just gives me a feeling of unease that I've missed something. Our PBL facilitator is a consultant at the hospital and normally rips it out of us each week. He talks really quietly, and it's not unless you listen carefully you realise he's just said something sarcastic about what an utter moron you are for deigning to offer such a ridiculous answer. It's good practice for next year on the wards, but until now every facilitator we've had has been sickeningly sweet and lovely. Well, with the exception of my last one of course, whose reply to me being 10 minutes late for class and hopping in on crutches was "I've sprained my ankle and I still managed to cross London with three tube changes to get to my lectures on time and I didn't need crutches". Well bully for you.
Our current facilitator doesn't like fluffy stuff, hard science and management plans only please. It's not enough to know what drug to give in a situation, we have to know dosages and timings as well. Don't get me wrong, I love him and wouldn't have anyone else. I feel like I learn so much more, it's just taken a bit of adjusting too. He always prepares a slideshow of real life cases he's seen relating to the topic for the fortnight, and we play a what's wrong and what would you do game. Gynae though, is really far from his speciality and he's been eerily quiet this time. We'll give an answer to a question and cast a sly glance his way to see if he's about to erupt or if we've done well. He's just been sitting there nodding silently. His only contribution was to dissolve into fits of giggles and ask us differential diagnoses for a female with pneumoperitoneum. We hesitently suggested trauma or infection. Parachuting apparently, something he remembered from his med school days. The air goes up and out through the tops of the fallopian tubes. I just have images of fimbriae flapping in the breeze. I know, I know, there's fluid, but that doesn't make such a pretty picture. Colposcopy is apparently more likely to cause this through the same mechanisms though.
Our current facilitator doesn't like fluffy stuff, hard science and management plans only please. It's not enough to know what drug to give in a situation, we have to know dosages and timings as well. Don't get me wrong, I love him and wouldn't have anyone else. I feel like I learn so much more, it's just taken a bit of adjusting too. He always prepares a slideshow of real life cases he's seen relating to the topic for the fortnight, and we play a what's wrong and what would you do game. Gynae though, is really far from his speciality and he's been eerily quiet this time. We'll give an answer to a question and cast a sly glance his way to see if he's about to erupt or if we've done well. He's just been sitting there nodding silently. His only contribution was to dissolve into fits of giggles and ask us differential diagnoses for a female with pneumoperitoneum. We hesitently suggested trauma or infection. Parachuting apparently, something he remembered from his med school days. The air goes up and out through the tops of the fallopian tubes. I just have images of fimbriae flapping in the breeze. I know, I know, there's fluid, but that doesn't make such a pretty picture. Colposcopy is apparently more likely to cause this through the same mechanisms though.
Saturday, 25 February 2012
Study Week
For the first time in my uni career I've had the luxury of a study week. At Southampton I enviously watched all of my house mates and friends having their study/reading weeks and I have just finished a whole week off. No lectures, no deadlines, it's been bliss. Now don't get me wrong I LOVE my course. I love being a medical student. I cannot wait to see what's coming up next, I don't take for granted any of the opportunities I have but oh my hasn't it been nice to have a break. Constant Reader will know that it's very unlikely that I took this week off to sit in my room twiddling my thumbs, that's just never going to happen. I worked at the surgery, I did some bits with Mum and I had a life and went to the pub to see a school friend I haven't seen in 9 years who's been bugging me to meet up with them for months, and every time I say yes, and then the next time I look up weeks have gone by. I didn't do any work and I feel very guilty about that. On the other hand, it was amazing! Everything I have to do fit into my time. Apparently I can only fit three lives in my one.
Coming up I have sooo much to do, I'm really feeling the pressure, which is why I feel so guilty for not studying during study week. In my defence I was ill for the whole week, which didn't help. I have two presentations, an AMK, 6 competencies, PBL and 2 essays. I used my study week to catch up on my life, can I have another to catch up on work now please?
Coming up I have sooo much to do, I'm really feeling the pressure, which is why I feel so guilty for not studying during study week. In my defence I was ill for the whole week, which didn't help. I have two presentations, an AMK, 6 competencies, PBL and 2 essays. I used my study week to catch up on my life, can I have another to catch up on work now please?
Monday, 13 February 2012
Under Pressure
This year our GP placements take the form of a full day in the same GP surgery and we get to go about once a month. We go in pairs, and mine splits us up, so we have a morning each with a different GP and then we swap over. It depends on the GP you're with how much you get to do, but it generally works that if you answer all their questions correctly and seem keen you get to do some hands on stuff yourself. That's aside from the competencies we have to demonstrate and have assessed over the course of the year. My last placement went very well. I was with a GP in the morning who let me be very hands on, which was nice. At one point I thought she was going to ask me to do a vaginal smear, but as she was asking me questions about it I pointed out we hadn't been taught that yet, so she did it and let me assist instead. She had me fill three tubes of blood from a person, which I got first time and was very pleased with myself, as I struggle in the clinical skills lab when I swap over the tubes and lose the vein. I rocked my competency and got an excellent in it, so was feeling on top of the world really.
In the afternoon I went in with a GP I hadn't sat with before. We had a couple of problem patients come in and I really admired his patience in dealing with them. One came in to clarify the medication list they'd been given when they came out of hospital. From listening to them, it sounded more like they understood the medications, they just wanted a healthcare professional to make a bit more fuss over them. They'd enjoyed all the attention in hospital, as they'd been pretty poorly but then got better and was sent home and they just wanted the fuss to continue a little longer. Another patient came in and I swear they must have been actuary because they wanted to know the rates of MRSA and C Diff in the local hospitals as they had to pick somewhere to have their knee replacement done. They'd only go somewhere that had never had those diseases. Then they tried to 'test the system' and get the GP to tell them when they'd had an investigation done and what the outcome was so they could be satisfied the record keeping was good enough. I understand it's probably just they were scared about their operation, but I'm not sure that wasting the GP's time in that way was the best way for them to deal with that. I did love the way the GP dealt with the stress though. Once the patient had left the room he stood up and said 'I think we need a chocolate coin after that one, don't you?' and chucked me one from a little stash he had in a cupboard.
The final patient that came in was a bit of a worry though, and I really want to know how they got on. The patient presented with a three month history of a cough, night sweats, putting on a lot of weight, bowel movements of normal frequency but varying consistency, anorexia, stomach bloating and feeling sick. They'd been for a chest X-ray for the cough and that had shown what was possibly a small shadow behind the clavicle, but may have been artefact. They had come for the results of the X-ray and to tell the GP about the anorexia, weight gain, night sweats and bloating. The patient was due to have an ultrasound of their liver at the end of that week, as a previous examination had shown it was enlarged, but the liver function blood tests had come back normal. Now, all sorts of alarm bells and big red flags are flashing and waving in my mind, as this sounds like textbook cancer of some sort. I exchanged a couple of glances with the GP, and the look on his face told me he thought the same. I felt so bad for the poor patient, and really uncomfortable, They had no idea. They'd just been through a really messy divorce, had a whirlwind holiday romance and gotten remarried, this was the last thing they needed.
I wasn't sure how the GP would handle it, whether he'd tell the patient what it might be, or whether he'd wait until there was conclusive proof. What I didn't expect was what the GP said next: 'Do you mind if the medical student examines your tummy first?' The patient was more than happy and jumped up on the bed and removed their shirt. Then I really felt the pressure. I knew there was something to find, and I really wanted to find something, to give this poor patient the answers they'd come to their GP searching for. Normally we do exams on each other and there's never anything to find, We go through the motions and can answer the questions of oh I'm looking for this to indicate that, or that to indicate this, but we know we won't actually find anything. I was an idiot and completely missed out the whole, stand at the edge of the bed, observe, start at the hands and work up business. I've done it so many times, but I knew the answers weren't there, so I skipped those bits. Luckily that wasn't my competency test. I was just so anxious to get to the cause. I felt their stomach and there was general tenderness, not localising to anywhere, a massively enlarged liver, no fluid, and the whole abdomen was firmer than it should be. Not tense, but not normal. Apart from that there was nothing, no obviously palpable mass, just a generalised, feeling of something being not right.
I was so disappointed. I know what the answer will be, but I wanted to give them something real to take away with them then. Instead, the GP just had to tell them that there may be lots of causes, some sinister, some not, and to wait for the results of the ultrasound. Medics amongst you will be familiar with the five F's that make up the differential diagnosis for distended abdomen: foetus, food, fluid, flatus and f*in' big tumour. Is it best to keep the truth from the patient when it's glaringly obvious what the problem is, even though it's scary, or is it best to have them worry about it sooner before any definitive proof? Or is that one of the really good parts of being a GP? That you have a get out clause for giving bad news. I guess it depends on the patient and how much you feel they can take, but it felt so tense in the room with the GP and I sharing the same suspected diagnosis and the patient being so anxious. Especially since if it has metastasised to their lungs that's a really bad sign for their prognosis. That said, it was on the wrong side for that. I thought stomach cancer went to the top left lung, and this was top right. They were very tender in that area when palpated so there's a small chance it could be something else, but it's not likely. I will try to find out what happened to them next time I go.
In the afternoon I went in with a GP I hadn't sat with before. We had a couple of problem patients come in and I really admired his patience in dealing with them. One came in to clarify the medication list they'd been given when they came out of hospital. From listening to them, it sounded more like they understood the medications, they just wanted a healthcare professional to make a bit more fuss over them. They'd enjoyed all the attention in hospital, as they'd been pretty poorly but then got better and was sent home and they just wanted the fuss to continue a little longer. Another patient came in and I swear they must have been actuary because they wanted to know the rates of MRSA and C Diff in the local hospitals as they had to pick somewhere to have their knee replacement done. They'd only go somewhere that had never had those diseases. Then they tried to 'test the system' and get the GP to tell them when they'd had an investigation done and what the outcome was so they could be satisfied the record keeping was good enough. I understand it's probably just they were scared about their operation, but I'm not sure that wasting the GP's time in that way was the best way for them to deal with that. I did love the way the GP dealt with the stress though. Once the patient had left the room he stood up and said 'I think we need a chocolate coin after that one, don't you?' and chucked me one from a little stash he had in a cupboard.
The final patient that came in was a bit of a worry though, and I really want to know how they got on. The patient presented with a three month history of a cough, night sweats, putting on a lot of weight, bowel movements of normal frequency but varying consistency, anorexia, stomach bloating and feeling sick. They'd been for a chest X-ray for the cough and that had shown what was possibly a small shadow behind the clavicle, but may have been artefact. They had come for the results of the X-ray and to tell the GP about the anorexia, weight gain, night sweats and bloating. The patient was due to have an ultrasound of their liver at the end of that week, as a previous examination had shown it was enlarged, but the liver function blood tests had come back normal. Now, all sorts of alarm bells and big red flags are flashing and waving in my mind, as this sounds like textbook cancer of some sort. I exchanged a couple of glances with the GP, and the look on his face told me he thought the same. I felt so bad for the poor patient, and really uncomfortable, They had no idea. They'd just been through a really messy divorce, had a whirlwind holiday romance and gotten remarried, this was the last thing they needed.
I wasn't sure how the GP would handle it, whether he'd tell the patient what it might be, or whether he'd wait until there was conclusive proof. What I didn't expect was what the GP said next: 'Do you mind if the medical student examines your tummy first?' The patient was more than happy and jumped up on the bed and removed their shirt. Then I really felt the pressure. I knew there was something to find, and I really wanted to find something, to give this poor patient the answers they'd come to their GP searching for. Normally we do exams on each other and there's never anything to find, We go through the motions and can answer the questions of oh I'm looking for this to indicate that, or that to indicate this, but we know we won't actually find anything. I was an idiot and completely missed out the whole, stand at the edge of the bed, observe, start at the hands and work up business. I've done it so many times, but I knew the answers weren't there, so I skipped those bits. Luckily that wasn't my competency test. I was just so anxious to get to the cause. I felt their stomach and there was general tenderness, not localising to anywhere, a massively enlarged liver, no fluid, and the whole abdomen was firmer than it should be. Not tense, but not normal. Apart from that there was nothing, no obviously palpable mass, just a generalised, feeling of something being not right.
I was so disappointed. I know what the answer will be, but I wanted to give them something real to take away with them then. Instead, the GP just had to tell them that there may be lots of causes, some sinister, some not, and to wait for the results of the ultrasound. Medics amongst you will be familiar with the five F's that make up the differential diagnosis for distended abdomen: foetus, food, fluid, flatus and f*in' big tumour. Is it best to keep the truth from the patient when it's glaringly obvious what the problem is, even though it's scary, or is it best to have them worry about it sooner before any definitive proof? Or is that one of the really good parts of being a GP? That you have a get out clause for giving bad news. I guess it depends on the patient and how much you feel they can take, but it felt so tense in the room with the GP and I sharing the same suspected diagnosis and the patient being so anxious. Especially since if it has metastasised to their lungs that's a really bad sign for their prognosis. That said, it was on the wrong side for that. I thought stomach cancer went to the top left lung, and this was top right. They were very tender in that area when palpated so there's a small chance it could be something else, but it's not likely. I will try to find out what happened to them next time I go.
Monday, 6 February 2012
The Dreaded Phone Call
When I was at work the other day I got a phone call and for a moment my heart stopped beating. I don't get a lot of signal at work, so I didn't really catch what they said, but the conversation started with:
Them: Hello, is that Miss Bean?
Me: Yes...
Them: This is xxxx from mr's battalion, corps
My heart stopped and I immediately thought the worst. Although I am his person, if something were to happen to him, it likely his parents would get the smart men in suits to the door to break the bad news. Though they may send me some too, I would probably get a phone call, which was what I thought this was. Mr is far away at the moment, out of the country, in another time zone for 4 months. Although he's had the odd couple of weeks in the EU on exercise it's the first time he's been away on tour, so far away, for such a long time and out of contact. We do pretty well with our long distance relationship, but this is tough. My best friend has left the country, I can't just pick up the phone and tell him about my day, or hear about his. We normally ring each other everyday from bed before we fall asleep to talk to each other and he keeps me grounded and sane and makes me laugh and smile everyday without fail. I am so lonely without him. It's about 81 sleeps until he comes home now, but we don't have a definitive home date yet. Then he's back for a few months and then off out again for a couple more months.
I keep seeing everywhere happy couples, pregnant ladies, slushy film plots, my housemates nipping off for the weekend visiting their other halves and it's Valentine's Day coming up - all just reminders that my mr isn't here and isn't going to be here for a really long time. It's worse in a way to being single, because at least you don't expect anything then. But we haven't broken up, we're really happy, it's going well and still he isn't here. Because of the ridiculous time difference and his insanely long working day hours if I'm lucky there's a five-ten minute window when I can skype him in the evening and it's his lunch break. If not, I can stay up really late/early in the morning to talk to him when he's finished work, or he has to get up even earlier to talk to me before he starts work. It's pretty impossible to work with. Safe to say, I'm not a happy bean at the moment. I'm not doing bad, but I'm so lonely. Friends that I talk to keep saying how they don't think they could do it, mostly because it's too long, but some said it was because they couldn't trust them. Thankfully, we don't have that problem. I laughed when they said two weeks away was too long. Ahh, to be one of those normal couples where good bye means I'll see you tonight, not I'll see you in a month or three.
Happily, what it actually turned out to be was an invite to a Ladies Night Dinner his mess are holding for all the wives and girlfriends of the guys who are overseas. And breathe.... I can't make the dinner night because it is a school night for me, so I kindly declined the invitation. With that, the nice man on the end of the phone told me that if I needed anything at all while mr was away I only had to ask and they were all there to support me, even though I don't live on base. Or any where near base, for that matter. That, surprisingly, made it all a little better. A slight admission from them that they are being real b*****ds splitting people up like this, and that there's a support network there to do whatever they can to help to apologise.
So, although this has been a bit of a mushy post from me, hopefully it's enlightened you a little into the life of an Army Officer WAG. I certainly never thought about the other halves when I saw bits about the army on the news until I was one.
Them: Hello, is that Miss Bean?
Me: Yes...
Them: This is xxxx from mr's battalion, corps
My heart stopped and I immediately thought the worst. Although I am his person, if something were to happen to him, it likely his parents would get the smart men in suits to the door to break the bad news. Though they may send me some too, I would probably get a phone call, which was what I thought this was. Mr is far away at the moment, out of the country, in another time zone for 4 months. Although he's had the odd couple of weeks in the EU on exercise it's the first time he's been away on tour, so far away, for such a long time and out of contact. We do pretty well with our long distance relationship, but this is tough. My best friend has left the country, I can't just pick up the phone and tell him about my day, or hear about his. We normally ring each other everyday from bed before we fall asleep to talk to each other and he keeps me grounded and sane and makes me laugh and smile everyday without fail. I am so lonely without him. It's about 81 sleeps until he comes home now, but we don't have a definitive home date yet. Then he's back for a few months and then off out again for a couple more months.
I keep seeing everywhere happy couples, pregnant ladies, slushy film plots, my housemates nipping off for the weekend visiting their other halves and it's Valentine's Day coming up - all just reminders that my mr isn't here and isn't going to be here for a really long time. It's worse in a way to being single, because at least you don't expect anything then. But we haven't broken up, we're really happy, it's going well and still he isn't here. Because of the ridiculous time difference and his insanely long working day hours if I'm lucky there's a five-ten minute window when I can skype him in the evening and it's his lunch break. If not, I can stay up really late/early in the morning to talk to him when he's finished work, or he has to get up even earlier to talk to me before he starts work. It's pretty impossible to work with. Safe to say, I'm not a happy bean at the moment. I'm not doing bad, but I'm so lonely. Friends that I talk to keep saying how they don't think they could do it, mostly because it's too long, but some said it was because they couldn't trust them. Thankfully, we don't have that problem. I laughed when they said two weeks away was too long. Ahh, to be one of those normal couples where good bye means I'll see you tonight, not I'll see you in a month or three.
Happily, what it actually turned out to be was an invite to a Ladies Night Dinner his mess are holding for all the wives and girlfriends of the guys who are overseas. And breathe.... I can't make the dinner night because it is a school night for me, so I kindly declined the invitation. With that, the nice man on the end of the phone told me that if I needed anything at all while mr was away I only had to ask and they were all there to support me, even though I don't live on base. Or any where near base, for that matter. That, surprisingly, made it all a little better. A slight admission from them that they are being real b*****ds splitting people up like this, and that there's a support network there to do whatever they can to help to apologise.
So, although this has been a bit of a mushy post from me, hopefully it's enlightened you a little into the life of an Army Officer WAG. I certainly never thought about the other halves when I saw bits about the army on the news until I was one.
Sunday, 5 February 2012
Results
So, I've been putting off writing my next post because I know Constant Reader would be waiting for my exam results. Now, I know I knew they'd be going down, but I was hoping they'd surprise me and hold steady. I wasn't even asking for an improvement, just a steady. Obviously, from my silence you can tell that hasn't happened. I went down to 23.4, which is only 0.1 above what I got at the end of year 1. So I'm pretty disappointed in myself to be honest. I feel miles better than I was then, I know so much more, I don't know what happened. Even more annoying is that the class average was 24, so I'm below that too. Absolutely gutted. I know I shouldn't, because it's a pass, and it's nigh on class average. Plus it's not a massive dip from my last but one test, so it's not an indication I'm dropping too much.
I got my SSU result back - the essay I wrote in 24 hours through the night because a peer stole my idea and the one I came up with on the spot in the consultant's room really wasn't working. I got 19/20 so I'm pretty pleased. The only negatives were that I didn't elaborate enough on some of the studies, but I couldn't because of the word limit and that something I wrote about procedure was wrong, but it isn't my fault if he doesn't follow procedure. So a negative and a positive, but being realistic, they are both good scores so I shouldn't complain. The lowest mark in the AMK this time in my year was 6.9, and someone who spent all Christmas break posting clever lines about how complicated their essay was (in other words, how clever they were in that particular subject to understand such clever things) only got a 13/20. Taking that into consideration, Bean's not doing bad :) With that in mind, I'm just gonna forget it, bop away to some funky music and rock the next one.
I got my SSU result back - the essay I wrote in 24 hours through the night because a peer stole my idea and the one I came up with on the spot in the consultant's room really wasn't working. I got 19/20 so I'm pretty pleased. The only negatives were that I didn't elaborate enough on some of the studies, but I couldn't because of the word limit and that something I wrote about procedure was wrong, but it isn't my fault if he doesn't follow procedure. So a negative and a positive, but being realistic, they are both good scores so I shouldn't complain. The lowest mark in the AMK this time in my year was 6.9, and someone who spent all Christmas break posting clever lines about how complicated their essay was (in other words, how clever they were in that particular subject to understand such clever things) only got a 13/20. Taking that into consideration, Bean's not doing bad :) With that in mind, I'm just gonna forget it, bop away to some funky music and rock the next one.
Wednesday, 25 January 2012
My first time
My friend and I are sat with all our equipment prepped in a sterile dish, gloves on, surveilling the patients in front of us apprehensively. Introductions done, procedure explained, consent obtained and the area swabbed with an alcohol wipe - one wipe top to bottom, and we could put it off no longer. I reached for the cannula, removed the cap, wiggled it to check it wasn't stuck, put the bung to one side and willed a vein to jump out and dance at me. Vein selected, palpated and pinned I advanced the needle through the skin which was tougher than I thought it would be. Nothing. I wiggled a little, still nothing. I looked at my friend who peered and said "you have to pump the thingie to make the pressure for the flashback". I dutifully reached around the back of the severed rubber arm and pumped the balloon but still no flashback. My friend reached over and gave a few more pumps for luck while I advanced the needle a little further. Just then, "aaaarrrrghhhhh!" I shout, as bright red fake blood squirts out of the end of the cannula all over me. "Oooohhh, tourniquet off, needle out a touch, advance the cannula, pinch the vein, needle out, thumb over the end, needle in the bin, bung on!" yells my friend, helpfully. I try and comply and wish for a few more fingers and pairs of hands to do all of that at once, as blood continues to spurt everywhere - a little too much pressure added maybe? I got in a bit of a mess with the sticky thing, as it doesn't stick well to rubber but I got the gist and before long I was looking proudly at my first ever cannula, happily splattered in fake blood. I looked at my friend who was trying to flush his with saline. He was having a little difficulty and the saline wouldn't go in, so he put more force behind the syringe. The saline squirted out around the port, spraying us both. Despite our mishaps, job well done and we've been told it's much easier on real people. I did get some odd looks at work later though, with my hands stained in cherry red blood. Totally worth it though. And now, if I'm asked if I'd like to try putting a cannula in I can honestly say it's not my first time. I just won't tell them about the bit where I screamed in the middle.
Monday, 16 January 2012
Exam post mortem and my new friend
The exam went ok, I think. I'm not really sure. I haven't found any yet that I got wrong through overhearing other people discussing questions. I fall in the group of people that doesn't like doing post mortems on exams. I am very competent all on my own at beating myself up and second guessing my answers, I don't need any help thank you very much. I can't change what I did so it's best for my sanity and sleep cycle if I just forget about it. I answered less questions than last time, which could mean I have done better as I will have gotten fewer minus points for getting questions wrong, or worse as I didn't answer as many so didn't have a chance to get points. Aargh, see? Neurotic about Track, neurotic about exams, maybe it's a medical student thing? Or me, just me :) My last minute cramming sort of worked. There was a question about B symptoms in leukaemia. I read a little about B symptoms, but only that they existed, I didn't read what they were. If I'd just have read the rest of the paragraph!
I have moved back home for two weeks whilst my parents are away on holiday to cat sit. This weekend was the loneliest time in my life. The two people I talk to every day, Mum and Mr have left the country, and I had to move back to my parents house. Normally I like to be on my own but it's different because in my house I can always hear the noises from other people. Here it's just me and a cat that hates people. She had very little human contact and she's only two, so she doesn't really know how to be a domestic cat. Every time I stand she runs away. I enter a room and she leaves it. She sleeps all day then yells at me to go to bed so she can play all night with me gone.
Today, we had a breakthrough. My computer is set up on the dining table and today she has come to sit next to me on the corner of the table, staring at the computer screen. I've been watching the streams of our lectures, and the take the form of a split screen with a view of the lecturer and a view of the powerpoint. Freya keeps watching the lecturer and every now and then bopping them in an "Ah, shut uppa ya face" sort of way. It's hilarious. Now she's weedled her way into the space between my bum and the back of the seat. She's curled up in a little ball, very happy and purring. There's a big bully cat who keeps coming in and eating all her food and she just yowls at it, terrified. Every time she yowls I come running with a water pistol, whether it's 3am or 9 am (and believe me we've done all times in between). She runs away, I see off the cat and she creeps back to make sure it's gone. I think that may have won me some brownie points. That and I haven't actively tried to eat her yet. I've gotten back into my normal routine and done my big cook for the weeks' evening meals and lunches (pork and mushroom stew and a vegetable pasta, if you wondered) and so with that and Freya's offering of friendship, today hasn't been quite so glum. Also, it turns out the boiler in my student house has broken and they haven't any hot water or heating, so it turns out this was all timed quite well after all.
I have moved back home for two weeks whilst my parents are away on holiday to cat sit. This weekend was the loneliest time in my life. The two people I talk to every day, Mum and Mr have left the country, and I had to move back to my parents house. Normally I like to be on my own but it's different because in my house I can always hear the noises from other people. Here it's just me and a cat that hates people. She had very little human contact and she's only two, so she doesn't really know how to be a domestic cat. Every time I stand she runs away. I enter a room and she leaves it. She sleeps all day then yells at me to go to bed so she can play all night with me gone.
Today, we had a breakthrough. My computer is set up on the dining table and today she has come to sit next to me on the corner of the table, staring at the computer screen. I've been watching the streams of our lectures, and the take the form of a split screen with a view of the lecturer and a view of the powerpoint. Freya keeps watching the lecturer and every now and then bopping them in an "Ah, shut uppa ya face" sort of way. It's hilarious. Now she's weedled her way into the space between my bum and the back of the seat. She's curled up in a little ball, very happy and purring. There's a big bully cat who keeps coming in and eating all her food and she just yowls at it, terrified. Every time she yowls I come running with a water pistol, whether it's 3am or 9 am (and believe me we've done all times in between). She runs away, I see off the cat and she creeps back to make sure it's gone. I think that may have won me some brownie points. That and I haven't actively tried to eat her yet. I've gotten back into my normal routine and done my big cook for the weeks' evening meals and lunches (pork and mushroom stew and a vegetable pasta, if you wondered) and so with that and Freya's offering of friendship, today hasn't been quite so glum. Also, it turns out the boiler in my student house has broken and they haven't any hot water or heating, so it turns out this was all timed quite well after all.
Tuesday, 10 January 2012
The Fear
So, as is usual with me, it's the night before the AMK and I have the fear. I have the fear so bad, I'm pretty numb with it to be honest. I am about 99% certain I won't be able to beat last time's score, so I'm just psyching myself up to telling my family and friends I've gone down. It doesn't even really feel like there'll be an exam tomorrow. I've got PBL in the morning with a new facilitator who's pretty strict and pro-science/anti-fluffy stuff so hopefully he'll impart some pearls of wisdom as there's literally 15 minutes between finishing the session with him and the coach leaving to take us to the exam venue. Before an AMK you'd usually find me pretty spaced out doing last minute cramming in my room, on the walk to the coach, going up the stairs to the exam hall, to the very last minute. People tell me it's not good and if I don't know it by now I never will, but I know for a fact that I got at least one mark last time because of last second cramming - an odd sentence I read in a dermatology section about livestock handlers and skin diseases, and a question about orf came up. It works for me.
Mr is now ridiculously far away for a stupidly long time. It's not even really worth counting sleeps it's so far away - 108 sleeps. I can't even comprehend how many fingers and toes and noses I'd need to count all of them :( New Years was lovely though. It filled up really early, so we were there in the rain from 7pm and my evening included a fun hour long queue for the loo. The fireworks were worth it though - absolutely amazing.
I'm off to go cook tea - squash gnudi om, nom, such a student diet. See you on the other side, and happy new year.
Mr is now ridiculously far away for a stupidly long time. It's not even really worth counting sleeps it's so far away - 108 sleeps. I can't even comprehend how many fingers and toes and noses I'd need to count all of them :( New Years was lovely though. It filled up really early, so we were there in the rain from 7pm and my evening included a fun hour long queue for the loo. The fireworks were worth it though - absolutely amazing.
I'm off to go cook tea - squash gnudi om, nom, such a student diet. See you on the other side, and happy new year.
Friday, 30 December 2011
End of Year
Tomorrow I am training up to London to spend New Year's watching the fire works with mr. If you're watching on the telly I'll be the one in the bobble hat at the front :) I am currently languishing in essay hell. One fluffy essay on work life balance is written and submitted but the one off the back of my SSU I'm having much more difficulty with. See, before we went into a tutorial session with the facilitator, one of my two placement partners asked what essay titles we'd picked. When we went in to talk to the facilitator, the facilitator asked each of us in turn and the person that was asked before me, the person that had asked what we were doing outside, gave my idea as their own! Bearing in mind that outside they had told us they were doing something completely different and they are also absolutely disgustingly, sickeningly, sweet and lovely, so you'd never believe they were capable of doing such an under-handed thing. I was not amused. It left me struggling to come up with an idea on the spot so as not to look under prepared in front of the consultant. Now it turns out that there isn't anything to write about in that field and I am a little stuck. The thing that my essay has turned into is way to big to write a 2000 word essay on and cover properly, but if I go wildly off topic and pick something else, the facilitator will wonder why as it was so different to what I was originally going to do. I can't complain about the other student because that just looks like I'm moaning and I certainly can't do the same as them.
This year has gone pretty well, looking back through some of my blog posts. Exams have all gone well, I had a lovely holiday with mr, I've been on some amazing placements, proved to myself that I actually can do this medicine lark, met some inspiring people, and started to try and come out of myself a little more and be a bit braver. Next year I will be trying to do some sort of fitness each day, make a real effort to stop ignoring emails and messages form friends and actually find time to meet up with them like I said I would and try to moan at you lovely readers a little less.
I hope the new year will bring you everything you want, be it luck, a medicine place, health, friendship, love or wealth. Happy New Year!
This year has gone pretty well, looking back through some of my blog posts. Exams have all gone well, I had a lovely holiday with mr, I've been on some amazing placements, proved to myself that I actually can do this medicine lark, met some inspiring people, and started to try and come out of myself a little more and be a bit braver. Next year I will be trying to do some sort of fitness each day, make a real effort to stop ignoring emails and messages form friends and actually find time to meet up with them like I said I would and try to moan at you lovely readers a little less.
I hope the new year will bring you everything you want, be it luck, a medicine place, health, friendship, love or wealth. Happy New Year!
Wednesday, 21 December 2011
Christmas
Well, the cancer clinic was as dire as I thought it would be. It was the closest I have come to crying in clinic, which I know is totally inappropriate, but I had to look away and steal myself to stop a tear rolling down my cheek. A patient came in with their sons and was told that the headache and cough they'd had for the last couple of weeks wasn't a head cold like their GP had told them but a met from lung cancer they also didn't know they had. They have weeks left. They joked if they'd have known they would go like this, they wouldn't have stopped drinking all those years ago. The GP had told them once the headaches had gone they'd do something about helping them quite smoking. It took a good while for the patient to decide if they even wanted a diagnosis. That seems alien to me. Is it better to not know? To not have a name to call the evil you have to try to fight? Not knowing would be worse for me. Funny how different people are.
I've moved home for the two weeks of christmas holidays. I am working full tim at the surgery, and spending the rest of my time on my knees trying to find the balls that my cat has lost. I'm trying to show her I'm the magic ball finding lady, not the terrifying lady she thinks I am at the moment. She's forgotten the hours we spent under the sofa together and runs away from me now. Which is doublly sad because I am normally one of those crazy cat ladies/cat whisperer that has cats follow them home and roll over for tummy tickles the first time they see me. Not my own cat though.
New Year's is all booked for me and mr to see the fireworks on the embankment in London again. It will be our third year. Not sure what we're doing in the daytime yet but train tickets, hotel, restaurant vouchers from tescos points all booked and sorted. I can't wait. It's a little sad, but in some ways I'm looking forward to that more than Christmas. I was trying to find a Christmas card for him, but all the couples card's kept saying about how special it was to spend Christmas with your loved one and how magic they make the day. One day. I hope you've all bought the Military Wives Choir song, it should def be Christmas Number 1.
Hope you're all having a nice break for Christmas and those interviews and offers are rolling in. Good luck and Happy Christmas!
I've moved home for the two weeks of christmas holidays. I am working full tim at the surgery, and spending the rest of my time on my knees trying to find the balls that my cat has lost. I'm trying to show her I'm the magic ball finding lady, not the terrifying lady she thinks I am at the moment. She's forgotten the hours we spent under the sofa together and runs away from me now. Which is doublly sad because I am normally one of those crazy cat ladies/cat whisperer that has cats follow them home and roll over for tummy tickles the first time they see me. Not my own cat though.
New Year's is all booked for me and mr to see the fireworks on the embankment in London again. It will be our third year. Not sure what we're doing in the daytime yet but train tickets, hotel, restaurant vouchers from tescos points all booked and sorted. I can't wait. It's a little sad, but in some ways I'm looking forward to that more than Christmas. I was trying to find a Christmas card for him, but all the couples card's kept saying about how special it was to spend Christmas with your loved one and how magic they make the day. One day. I hope you've all bought the Military Wives Choir song, it should def be Christmas Number 1.
Hope you're all having a nice break for Christmas and those interviews and offers are rolling in. Good luck and Happy Christmas!
Sunday, 11 December 2011
Colourless, green, yellow or black?
Can you guess what I'm doing at the moment? I am about to start my final week on a respiratory outpatients SSU. I had been thinking that maybe respiratory could be the speciality for me and whilst I have enjoyed these two weeks, but now I've done a little - nope. Another speciality choice crossed off the list. It has been the most depressing couple of weeks. It is probably not the most depressing - oncology, palliative, I can see those as being sad; I would go into them prepared. This was an ambush of sad.
First patient of the day comes into the room, consultant looks at the scans. We are sat behind the consultant staring in awe at the proceedings, not quite believing we are in an actual hospital seeing actual patients and trying really hard to look like we've done this loads of times before and sort of know what we're doing. The consultant has quite a thick accent so I find I have to concentrate a lot on what he's saying to understand it. What gives the game away though is the look of utter shock on the patient's and their relatives face. The look someone gets when their whole world falls apart. That the shortness of breath their loved one has been feeling and the slight cough is actually ideopathic pulmonary fibrosis and there's nothing that can be done. That they have about 2-3 years left of increasing shortness of breath and decreasing quality of life as the fibrosis rips through their lungs, spreading like cancer. Repeat this for two clinics a day for two weeks with one and a half days of to work at the GP's and that's my last two weeks.
The consultant was explaining to a patient that they could be put on this experimental anti-fibrotic drug. It isn't licensed yet and the drug company will give it to the hospital for free to so that if it does end up being licensed the hospital will be more willing to pay for it because they have patients on it already. The drug may not work, but you might think it's better than doing nothing. The patient looked at me and asked what I thought they should do. I had no words. As they left, the patient thanked me for my time, patted me on the shoulder and told me to enjoy my life. I know that death is a big part of being a Doctor. I'm not naive enough to think that everyone can be saved. I just wasn't expecting to meet it so soon.
A patient was seen with a whole list of problems, but they are happy, up beat, they have a strong family network, they still do things, but they'll be dead in 6 months. It's incomprehensible It just makes me want that parallel life with me curled up with mr on a big comfy sofa in front of a roaring wood fire with a couple of dogs and cats lying about the place. I want my life now, I don't want to keep waiting for it. It doesn't help I'm currently trying to write an essay on work life balance (as in my lack of one and the changes I plan to make to get one), and that January is creeping ever closer. In January mr starts the longest period of time we've ever been apart. He goes from being far away, but not too far that I can't go visiting some weekends, to ridiculously far away. He's not going anywhere scary, but he is going far away for roughly 98 sleeps. We don't have the exact dates yet. Thank goodness for whoever invented Skype.
It might be a little hard to believe from the way I'm moping, but between writing this post and the last I did cheer up considerably. I had one of those special moments girls get when they go clothes shopping and realise they've dropped a dress size. Fantastic feeling. I also finished all my Christmas shopping, I just have to put a few more coats of varnish on things I have been making for family presents, finish writing the cards and I am done. Tomorrow is home visits and the cancer clinic. Psyching myself up for it with hot chocolate and biscuits.
First patient of the day comes into the room, consultant looks at the scans. We are sat behind the consultant staring in awe at the proceedings, not quite believing we are in an actual hospital seeing actual patients and trying really hard to look like we've done this loads of times before and sort of know what we're doing. The consultant has quite a thick accent so I find I have to concentrate a lot on what he's saying to understand it. What gives the game away though is the look of utter shock on the patient's and their relatives face. The look someone gets when their whole world falls apart. That the shortness of breath their loved one has been feeling and the slight cough is actually ideopathic pulmonary fibrosis and there's nothing that can be done. That they have about 2-3 years left of increasing shortness of breath and decreasing quality of life as the fibrosis rips through their lungs, spreading like cancer. Repeat this for two clinics a day for two weeks with one and a half days of to work at the GP's and that's my last two weeks.
The consultant was explaining to a patient that they could be put on this experimental anti-fibrotic drug. It isn't licensed yet and the drug company will give it to the hospital for free to so that if it does end up being licensed the hospital will be more willing to pay for it because they have patients on it already. The drug may not work, but you might think it's better than doing nothing. The patient looked at me and asked what I thought they should do. I had no words. As they left, the patient thanked me for my time, patted me on the shoulder and told me to enjoy my life. I know that death is a big part of being a Doctor. I'm not naive enough to think that everyone can be saved. I just wasn't expecting to meet it so soon.
A patient was seen with a whole list of problems, but they are happy, up beat, they have a strong family network, they still do things, but they'll be dead in 6 months. It's incomprehensible It just makes me want that parallel life with me curled up with mr on a big comfy sofa in front of a roaring wood fire with a couple of dogs and cats lying about the place. I want my life now, I don't want to keep waiting for it. It doesn't help I'm currently trying to write an essay on work life balance (as in my lack of one and the changes I plan to make to get one), and that January is creeping ever closer. In January mr starts the longest period of time we've ever been apart. He goes from being far away, but not too far that I can't go visiting some weekends, to ridiculously far away. He's not going anywhere scary, but he is going far away for roughly 98 sleeps. We don't have the exact dates yet. Thank goodness for whoever invented Skype.
It might be a little hard to believe from the way I'm moping, but between writing this post and the last I did cheer up considerably. I had one of those special moments girls get when they go clothes shopping and realise they've dropped a dress size. Fantastic feeling. I also finished all my Christmas shopping, I just have to put a few more coats of varnish on things I have been making for family presents, finish writing the cards and I am done. Tomorrow is home visits and the cancer clinic. Psyching myself up for it with hot chocolate and biscuits.
Wednesday, 23 November 2011
Down in the Dumps
I'm afraid I'm not the happiest, smiliest bean ever, so please bear with me while I have a little woe is me rant. Or not. Skip it if you like, but don't say I didn't warn you. Results night I was walking down the stairs at home to answer the door when my ankle gave in and I slid down the rest of the stairs on it, landing in a small heap at the bottom. Sadly nothing stronger than water passed my lips and I was having a quiet night in, not celebrating like a rock star falling off the table I was dancing on. One of the good things about being from my University town, is that when my housemates were running around trying to decide who could drive my car (as none of them have one) or whether they should call an ambulance, whilst trying to fight me and RICE my ankle while I just wanted to cry and lop my foot off because it hurt too much and could they please stop touching it with the cold solid thing, I could call Mummy and Daddy bean to drive me to the Walk in Centre because I broke a bit of myself. 3 hours later I emerge with a PIL on foot and ankle injuries, a copy of my X-Ray (batted my eyelids sweetly at the Dr), a sprained ankle and a shiny pair of crutches.
It's been over a week now and I'm still on crutches. People tend to fall into two categories, those that think I'm being lazy and for goodness sakes it's just a sprain, and those that have also badly sprained their ankle in the past and cheerfully tell me a sprain is worse than a break and is there anything they can do for me. All I know is if I take 6 steps without crutches my ankle will ache for the rest of the day, or if I try flex my foot, like to do stairs, it aches, or if I rest it on something, it aches, and that it is still swollen. Still. Stupid ankle. My lovely Mr came down and put it in a tubigrip for me this weekend, which is helping, although I nearly kicked him when he put it on it hurt that much. It's helping so much I would be down to just one crutch except that last night I managed to put my hand on an electric hob on max and am sporting a rather painful burnt palm now. Crutches are blooming hard work, especially because all the exercise I do normally is lower body not upper. Everything aches. It's laughable really; before I wasn't sleeping because I was a stressy-head over exam results. I was really looking forward to a full nights sleep when the results came out and it turned out I didn't need to worry. Now I can't sleep because my ankle has perfected this dull, nagging, persistent ache that pain killers aren't touching. Argh! I went back to the WIC at the weekend and they said to stay off it for another 2 weeks. That means my Winter Ball on crutches, and my first week on SSU on the Respiratory Ward on crutches. Brilliant, just perfect. Should I mention this is all on top of the inner ear infection I already have that the GP said was viral and I just had to ride out?
Placement was pants, utter pants. I had such a good placement last time and this was just awful. It started badly when I asked my partner to give me a lift in because I can't drive at the moment, and they asked me to walk what would normally be 30 minutes to meet them so they could drive a really convoluted way, instead of the direct route which goes straight past my house. I had explained why I needed the lift and when I told them the direct route they got really defensive and said since I was asking the favour I should be nicer to them. They then were so paranoid that we would be late they arrived 10 minutes early to pick me up and we arrived 40 minutes early. I was with 2 GPs. One completely ignored me and didn't involve me at all. The other was the nice one that I had last time only this time the questions he asked me I hadn't a clue about (diagnosing Paget's from the clues of bilateral hearing aids and hip pain, and spotting CREST) and he just made me feel like an idiot for not knowing them. My attempt at taking blood didn't work as the patient's vein disappeared when he straightened his arm out, and only once I'd tried did the patient say "Ah yes, the hospital always has trouble taking my blood". My ankle was killing me after that day as the GP was full of come over here and have a look at this boy's spots/man's cyst/lack of an inguinal hernia/letter that I'm holding in my hand/etc.
Finally, the forces have been in the spot light a lot recently, with Remembrance Sunday, Military Wives Choir and Frontline Medicine recently. Being completely and utterly selfish and probably just a big bag of silly girly hormones again, but I'm finding it really hard to be supportive for Mr. My heart bursts with pride and love for him, but I don't know as I'm ever going to be strong enough to be left behind, waiting for him to come home safe. The first of his intake from Sandhurst was killed on tour recently and it's made it all hit home. I keep beating myself up about it because as sad as I get and for all my doubt in my own strength, it's not about me, it's about him, and I shouldn't be so.... pathetic. Hundreds of women do it, there's no reason why I shouldn't be able to. I just don't want to have to try. I was watching the choir programme and they were saying that they had chosen this life and so that's how they get through it, but I didn't chose this, I fell in love with a guy I met in a club. I need to man up, stop dwelling on it and deal with things as and when they arise. I need to take my own advice, that it's not about me, it's about Mr. And maybe one day I will.
In happier news, I passed my clinical competencies in IM injections and musculoskeletal exams with excellents, and the GP passed me on cardiovascular exam competency.
Hopefully I'll be happier next time,
Hop-a-long
It's been over a week now and I'm still on crutches. People tend to fall into two categories, those that think I'm being lazy and for goodness sakes it's just a sprain, and those that have also badly sprained their ankle in the past and cheerfully tell me a sprain is worse than a break and is there anything they can do for me. All I know is if I take 6 steps without crutches my ankle will ache for the rest of the day, or if I try flex my foot, like to do stairs, it aches, or if I rest it on something, it aches, and that it is still swollen. Still. Stupid ankle. My lovely Mr came down and put it in a tubigrip for me this weekend, which is helping, although I nearly kicked him when he put it on it hurt that much. It's helping so much I would be down to just one crutch except that last night I managed to put my hand on an electric hob on max and am sporting a rather painful burnt palm now. Crutches are blooming hard work, especially because all the exercise I do normally is lower body not upper. Everything aches. It's laughable really; before I wasn't sleeping because I was a stressy-head over exam results. I was really looking forward to a full nights sleep when the results came out and it turned out I didn't need to worry. Now I can't sleep because my ankle has perfected this dull, nagging, persistent ache that pain killers aren't touching. Argh! I went back to the WIC at the weekend and they said to stay off it for another 2 weeks. That means my Winter Ball on crutches, and my first week on SSU on the Respiratory Ward on crutches. Brilliant, just perfect. Should I mention this is all on top of the inner ear infection I already have that the GP said was viral and I just had to ride out?
Placement was pants, utter pants. I had such a good placement last time and this was just awful. It started badly when I asked my partner to give me a lift in because I can't drive at the moment, and they asked me to walk what would normally be 30 minutes to meet them so they could drive a really convoluted way, instead of the direct route which goes straight past my house. I had explained why I needed the lift and when I told them the direct route they got really defensive and said since I was asking the favour I should be nicer to them. They then were so paranoid that we would be late they arrived 10 minutes early to pick me up and we arrived 40 minutes early. I was with 2 GPs. One completely ignored me and didn't involve me at all. The other was the nice one that I had last time only this time the questions he asked me I hadn't a clue about (diagnosing Paget's from the clues of bilateral hearing aids and hip pain, and spotting CREST) and he just made me feel like an idiot for not knowing them. My attempt at taking blood didn't work as the patient's vein disappeared when he straightened his arm out, and only once I'd tried did the patient say "Ah yes, the hospital always has trouble taking my blood". My ankle was killing me after that day as the GP was full of come over here and have a look at this boy's spots/man's cyst/lack of an inguinal hernia/letter that I'm holding in my hand/etc.
Finally, the forces have been in the spot light a lot recently, with Remembrance Sunday, Military Wives Choir and Frontline Medicine recently. Being completely and utterly selfish and probably just a big bag of silly girly hormones again, but I'm finding it really hard to be supportive for Mr. My heart bursts with pride and love for him, but I don't know as I'm ever going to be strong enough to be left behind, waiting for him to come home safe. The first of his intake from Sandhurst was killed on tour recently and it's made it all hit home. I keep beating myself up about it because as sad as I get and for all my doubt in my own strength, it's not about me, it's about him, and I shouldn't be so.... pathetic. Hundreds of women do it, there's no reason why I shouldn't be able to. I just don't want to have to try. I was watching the choir programme and they were saying that they had chosen this life and so that's how they get through it, but I didn't chose this, I fell in love with a guy I met in a club. I need to man up, stop dwelling on it and deal with things as and when they arise. I need to take my own advice, that it's not about me, it's about Mr. And maybe one day I will.
In happier news, I passed my clinical competencies in IM injections and musculoskeletal exams with excellents, and the GP passed me on cardiovascular exam competency.
Hopefully I'll be happier next time,
Hop-a-long
Friday, 11 November 2011
Results
Results came out at 11.30 today. I PASSED!!! Not only did I pass, I did rather well, a bit of a closet clever clogs really :p I got 41, which is up from my last score of 28. I am in the top 5% of the year so I got my excellent and a bit of snooping through the exam reports tells me that I'm actually 6th in the whole year. To say I am excited right now is an understatement. I even passed the passmark for the 5th years. I am shaking I'm so happy. To have been so worried about it and to have it all turn out all right, and even better than all right is just fantastic. I'm off to go bounce off some walls now :) Thank you for your lovely comments yesterday, they really cheered me up. Have a great weekend. I'm up early tomorrow to go to a day of Podmedics lectures. Now my only worry is maintaining that score!
Thursday, 10 November 2011
Fret, fret, fret
I should be excitedly telling you how I aced the AMK, or crying because I failed the AMK and am feeling pretty dismal. I have dutifully waited the normal two weeks. I am getting my insomnia and then sleep walking when I finally do drop off, as is usual when I'm fretting about something. Results day should have been yesterday. Tuesday we got an email saying that due to unforseen circumstances there was going to be an unavoidable delay in the release of the results, for another two weeks! This bean is not amused. I'm not sure I'll last that long on this little sleep. It's all very well saying it's no use fretting, and why don't I try going to bed early but it's not that simple when you're this side of the fretting, and when it's not your results, or not your family you have to tell if you fail. We then got an email from the Dean telling us of for a facebook group that had been discussing AMK questions and the rumour is that we've done better this time than we were supposed to, hence the delay as they try and work out how to moderate it. This was the first time I'd heard about any such group and really just adds to the fretting, as it presumeably means that a whole load of people have done very much better than me and when the grade boundaries are set according to how everyone else did that really doesn't bode well for me. I don't know how you picture the little bean in your head but she's pacing up and down right now and could probably do with a swift slap across the cheek and being told to calm down.
Apart from that this case unit has been pretty massive - covering endocrine, diabetes, the eye and the leg in the space of two weeks. I have done my usual shifts at the GP surgery and so having an inability to shut down and go to sleep means my productivity is up pretty high, as long as you don't mind your bean rocking a zombie look the rest of the time. After this case unit there is a study week, so as long as the GP's don't claim me I should get a bit of a break then which will be nice.
The new cat is now out from under the sofa. She now lives under the table, but at least she's more accesible there. She adores getting tickles but isn't comfortable enough yet to come and ask for them. If you want to contort yourself to get to her and give her them that's fine, but if you don't that's ok too. Hopefully we'll start giving her the run of the house soon as she's confined to the living room for now until she's less fraidy. It is very therapeutic going over every day to tickle a cat though. Should be prescribed.
Apart from that this case unit has been pretty massive - covering endocrine, diabetes, the eye and the leg in the space of two weeks. I have done my usual shifts at the GP surgery and so having an inability to shut down and go to sleep means my productivity is up pretty high, as long as you don't mind your bean rocking a zombie look the rest of the time. After this case unit there is a study week, so as long as the GP's don't claim me I should get a bit of a break then which will be nice.
The new cat is now out from under the sofa. She now lives under the table, but at least she's more accesible there. She adores getting tickles but isn't comfortable enough yet to come and ask for them. If you want to contort yourself to get to her and give her them that's fine, but if you don't that's ok too. Hopefully we'll start giving her the run of the house soon as she's confined to the living room for now until she's less fraidy. It is very therapeutic going over every day to tickle a cat though. Should be prescribed.
Wednesday, 2 November 2011
Exams and Cats
The AMK went. I'm not sure if I can say any more than that, just that I have done it. The results are out next week, so I shall have to wait and see until then. This was the first time we sat it on paper and not on a computer, and I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not. On the computer the questions come up in blocks of 25 and once you complete a block you cannot return to it. It's difficult to think of timings so I had a tendency to be very cautious. On paper you have three hours to look through all the questions as many times as you like, so you can convince yourself you know more than you actually do. Because of this I answered a lot more than I normally do, so I think it's either gone really well and it was a good paper, or it's gone really badly. I'm tying myself in knots, I don't like it.
Yesterday I sat me first clinical competencies of the year in intramuscular injections and musculoskeletal exams. I had spent the last month practising for the IM injections every Friday for an hour, so I was pretty confident. It threw me a little because the vignette wasn't the one I was expecting, but I muddled through and did pretty well. I got all high excellents and one satisfactory because I didn't wash my hands after I gave the injection. I was just too pleased to be finished without stabbing myself and that I remembered all the bits and did it in the time limit. Hopefully that will come out as an excellent. The MSK also went well. She picked me up for not looking behind the patient to see how high up they could get their hands, but I didn't do that because it wasn't on their demonstration video so I didn't know I had to. I got all low excellents for that, with high excellents for communication skills and introduction. I'm not sure what else I could have improved upon. That one will probably moderate out as a satisfactory.
Another big thing that happened to me in my break between writing was that my cat died. We'd had Amber since she was 8 weeks old and she died at the age of 13 at 7.45am on 1st October. Her liver had started to kick out all the stored fat into the blood stream for some reason, making her blood really thick. She was so poorly in the end we rushed her to the emergency vets who tried but couldn't save her. She was the best, funniest, cleverest, stupidest, fluffiest, warmest, most loving cat in the world, with the biggest personality. Whenever I was upset or ill she'd come and find me. She wasn't terribly good at being a cat - couldn't really jump that well and was never very good at catching things but she knew how to play each member of the family to get exactly what she wanted. Whether that was being carried to her food because she didn't want to walk, being taken and let out the front door because she didn't want to go out the back, sitting on what ever you were working on because you weren't paying attention to her, getting hugs and tickles when ever she wanted, or sitting on you because you were wearing something soft that she thought must be for her. She was more than our cat, she was my sister and she is sorely missed.
Our family was devastated getting that call from the vet. We cried for weeks. Without her the house just seemed so empty. This weekend we went to the cat shelter and we got a new cat. Nothing will ever replace Amber, but we've had cats in our house for as long as I can remember. I was practically raised by them. There's pictures of one of them, Shilling, sitting on my moses basket watching me sleep. Apparently, if I woke up she would walk back and forth down the basket to rock it and send me back to sleep. She didn't know what I was, but she knew I was to be cherished and protected.
Freya is our new cat and she is 2. She is currently under the sofa. She is very happy, not scared, will have tickles and food and wash and lick you and fall asleep flopped on your hand. She just won't come out from under the sofa. Except at night time, when she comes out and goes nuts. Once she's sure everyone has gone to sleep she has quite a night of playing. The first night the tail came off her catnip mouse. The second night the mouse was annihilated into fluff and bits of fabric and scattered around the room. The third night a ball of wool was unravelled and re-wrapped around every chair and table leg in the the room. So, every day I go over, clean up whatever she's done and spend the next three hours lying down beside the sofa with my arm jammed in up to the shoulder tickling the cat to try and get her comfortable enough to come out. She came from a multi-cat household with very little human interaction. She's just finding out that ear tickles and tummy tickles are the best thing in the world. If she would just come out from under the sofa....
Yesterday I sat me first clinical competencies of the year in intramuscular injections and musculoskeletal exams. I had spent the last month practising for the IM injections every Friday for an hour, so I was pretty confident. It threw me a little because the vignette wasn't the one I was expecting, but I muddled through and did pretty well. I got all high excellents and one satisfactory because I didn't wash my hands after I gave the injection. I was just too pleased to be finished without stabbing myself and that I remembered all the bits and did it in the time limit. Hopefully that will come out as an excellent. The MSK also went well. She picked me up for not looking behind the patient to see how high up they could get their hands, but I didn't do that because it wasn't on their demonstration video so I didn't know I had to. I got all low excellents for that, with high excellents for communication skills and introduction. I'm not sure what else I could have improved upon. That one will probably moderate out as a satisfactory.
Another big thing that happened to me in my break between writing was that my cat died. We'd had Amber since she was 8 weeks old and she died at the age of 13 at 7.45am on 1st October. Her liver had started to kick out all the stored fat into the blood stream for some reason, making her blood really thick. She was so poorly in the end we rushed her to the emergency vets who tried but couldn't save her. She was the best, funniest, cleverest, stupidest, fluffiest, warmest, most loving cat in the world, with the biggest personality. Whenever I was upset or ill she'd come and find me. She wasn't terribly good at being a cat - couldn't really jump that well and was never very good at catching things but she knew how to play each member of the family to get exactly what she wanted. Whether that was being carried to her food because she didn't want to walk, being taken and let out the front door because she didn't want to go out the back, sitting on what ever you were working on because you weren't paying attention to her, getting hugs and tickles when ever she wanted, or sitting on you because you were wearing something soft that she thought must be for her. She was more than our cat, she was my sister and she is sorely missed.
Freya is our new cat and she is 2. She is currently under the sofa. She is very happy, not scared, will have tickles and food and wash and lick you and fall asleep flopped on your hand. She just won't come out from under the sofa. Except at night time, when she comes out and goes nuts. Once she's sure everyone has gone to sleep she has quite a night of playing. The first night the tail came off her catnip mouse. The second night the mouse was annihilated into fluff and bits of fabric and scattered around the room. The third night a ball of wool was unravelled and re-wrapped around every chair and table leg in the the room. So, every day I go over, clean up whatever she's done and spend the next three hours lying down beside the sofa with my arm jammed in up to the shoulder tickling the cat to try and get her comfortable enough to come out. She came from a multi-cat household with very little human interaction. She's just finding out that ear tickles and tummy tickles are the best thing in the world. If she would just come out from under the sofa....
Friday, 21 October 2011
Vampire Bean
Hi, I know, I know, it has been ages since I last wrote. I probably don't need to tell you I've been busy a) because of the length of time since I wrote and b) because I'm me and, let face it, when am I not busy? I had to stay up late to type this now though, because today has been all sorts of awesome. Firstly, a little catch up. Second year has well and truly landed. We've done two case units so far. I am frantically trying to revise for the first AMK coming up next week and my first competancy in IM injections and musculoskeletal exams the week after. We've also been given prep work to do for a whole myriad of other exams that we have to pass this year, way more than we had to sit last year. Alongside that, all the hours I have betwen 8.30am and 6pm that I am not in lectures I am working at the surgery because there is a massive backlog there. I also went up for and got a promotion to Data Quality Analyst Assistant, which means I do more computery, techy stuff for them 8 hours a week and got a nice pay rise for the other hours I work for them too. I found out my Special Study Units I've been allocated for the year, and am really happy to say that, once again, I got the ones I wanted. I have three weeks on respiratory, looking at inflammatory respiratory disease and three weeks looking at use of language and how your choice of words can reveal things about you. In non work and uni news I have been to visit mr a couple of times and we celebrated our 4 year anniversary. We had another beautiful walk with the swirling birds and the sunset... but you don't want to hear about the gushy romantic stuff do you? You want me to get to the awesome :)
If you are a medic, or a big reader of medic's blogs, you will probably recognise the allusion in the title. I shall spell it out anyway because i'm just too excited. Today I took blood for the first time from a real person :) Today was also the first time I gave a real person an IM injection :) :) Then I took more blood from a different person, just to prove the first time wasn't a fluke, and swapped the vials over to get three tube fulls. The degree of loon grinning going on right now is pretty extreme. I have had a full day in a GP practice today on placement and the GP I was shadowing in the morning had to take bloods from a patient and asked if I wanted to give it a go. I was torn between really REALLY wanting to say yes and knowing that I have only done it once on a plastic arm about a year ago and haven't practiced it since. I didn't want to let on I was nervous and hadn't done it on a real person before in case the patient revoked their consent or tensed up anticipating I would do it wrong. But I seized the opportunity, pulled it off without a hitch, got compliments from the patient and the GP and was altogether pretty chuffed. Later I was shadowing the Practice Nurse who let me take more blood and give an injection. I'd been really nervous because everyone has come back from placement saying how hard it was and how they got grilled and didn't know any of the answers. I hardly slept last night I was so nervous. However when it came to it, every time the GP asked me a question or asked for my diagnosis, I got it right. I am floating on cloud 9 right now, I really have had the best of days. A second year and taking blood, blood pressure and doing injections on real people?! I love my course.
Thursday, 6 October 2011
In Limbo
Sorry I've been a bit quiet of late, have you missed me? Here's one I wrote but never got the chance to post. More recent update to follow.
So I'm in kind of a strange position. I've moved into the shared uni house but I'm still going to work at the pension company as usual. Not quite a student, not quite a real working person. I moved in on Sunday - packed my little car to the roof with my stuff (how do I have so much stuff? I've already done two trips to move stuff in?!) and moved in Sunday night. I did it this weekend because I thought everyone was also moving in this weekend, and I didn't really want to be left out. When I turned up there was only one other person and he was off out to the pub. He did invite me out, but I had bits to unpack to get ready for work the next day. Surrounding the house were 8 police cars, a riot van, an ambulance and a police bike and the road was cordoned off due to what I've heard was a hostage situation up the road (no casualties thankfully). I sat on my bed looking at my life in boxes, in this massive, empty, cold house, listening to the police sirens and felt so lonely and isolated.
It was such a contrast from the day before where I'd been showing pre-freshers around my old halls site as an open day helper. Seeing all their excited faces and answering their questions made me really excited to be starting again. Best question of the day: while in one of the common rooms in one of the flats a guy pipes up "so, when I get here, will there be an X-Box and TV?" Erm, only if you bring one! Closely followed by a comment I heard one of the mum's make about her friends' son. Apparently instead of washing his underwear he just bought new ones, so came home at the end of term with 42 pairs of boxers for his mum to wash. Magic :)
Things are looking up now though. One other person has moved in, only two more to go. We have internet up and running in the house. Well, apart from the top floor because the booster router still has the previous tenants' mystery password on it but we're working on that. A couple of people have come to look at the spare room and my housemate is really excited about one of them, so fingers crossed. I've received my hours for going back to the GP job next week. I just need to stop feeling so old and try and gee myself up to going out to some of the freshers events. It gets to 11pm and I think bed time not party time. Leaving you with a bit of bean silliness - after work yesterday I went to Tescos to do grocery shopping for the week and had just put all the food on the conveyor belt to be scanned to pay for when I discovered I left my wallet in my other bag. Oops. I had to get them to put it in a chiller for me whilst I ran home to pick up my wallet. Except then I got distracted by fixing the internet (housemate had plugged the router in to the wrong hole in the wall). Oh dear. I did redeem myself slightly though by making a delicious mushroom and spinach lasagne. Om nom :) (which I eventually got to eat at 10.30pm). Next week, student bean returns!
So I'm in kind of a strange position. I've moved into the shared uni house but I'm still going to work at the pension company as usual. Not quite a student, not quite a real working person. I moved in on Sunday - packed my little car to the roof with my stuff (how do I have so much stuff? I've already done two trips to move stuff in?!) and moved in Sunday night. I did it this weekend because I thought everyone was also moving in this weekend, and I didn't really want to be left out. When I turned up there was only one other person and he was off out to the pub. He did invite me out, but I had bits to unpack to get ready for work the next day. Surrounding the house were 8 police cars, a riot van, an ambulance and a police bike and the road was cordoned off due to what I've heard was a hostage situation up the road (no casualties thankfully). I sat on my bed looking at my life in boxes, in this massive, empty, cold house, listening to the police sirens and felt so lonely and isolated.
It was such a contrast from the day before where I'd been showing pre-freshers around my old halls site as an open day helper. Seeing all their excited faces and answering their questions made me really excited to be starting again. Best question of the day: while in one of the common rooms in one of the flats a guy pipes up "so, when I get here, will there be an X-Box and TV?" Erm, only if you bring one! Closely followed by a comment I heard one of the mum's make about her friends' son. Apparently instead of washing his underwear he just bought new ones, so came home at the end of term with 42 pairs of boxers for his mum to wash. Magic :)
Things are looking up now though. One other person has moved in, only two more to go. We have internet up and running in the house. Well, apart from the top floor because the booster router still has the previous tenants' mystery password on it but we're working on that. A couple of people have come to look at the spare room and my housemate is really excited about one of them, so fingers crossed. I've received my hours for going back to the GP job next week. I just need to stop feeling so old and try and gee myself up to going out to some of the freshers events. It gets to 11pm and I think bed time not party time. Leaving you with a bit of bean silliness - after work yesterday I went to Tescos to do grocery shopping for the week and had just put all the food on the conveyor belt to be scanned to pay for when I discovered I left my wallet in my other bag. Oops. I had to get them to put it in a chiller for me whilst I ran home to pick up my wallet. Except then I got distracted by fixing the internet (housemate had plugged the router in to the wrong hole in the wall). Oh dear. I did redeem myself slightly though by making a delicious mushroom and spinach lasagne. Om nom :) (which I eventually got to eat at 10.30pm). Next week, student bean returns!
Friday, 16 September 2011
Confused Bean
I've been rather confused this last week. Somehow, it's been decided I'm the most responsible of the group and it's been left to me to sort out utilities and broadband for the house share I'm moving into next week. I was kinda hoping since I found the house, someone else would take on the mantle of doing all that stuff. Unfortunately, no one stepped up and then one of the lot announced they were moving in four weeks earlier than we had to be there to start lectures. They also weren't offering to sort bits out so I started doing a bit of research. Broadband was alright. I understand we need unlimited broadband as fast as we can get it and as cheap as we can get it. That's logical. I managed to get us a deal with Orange with a £40 Sainsbury's voucher and £50 credit. If you're going with them too and want £50 credit, send me an email and I'll tell you my Orange email address you need to quote to them to say you've been referred by me.
Gas and electric however, completely floored me. There are so many different tariffs available, how do I know which one's best? Is it better for us to be on a standing charge or not? Currently the house is economy 7 which seems like a stupid idea for a bunch of students, so how do I go about changing it and do I have to, and will it cost and *pop* (small bean explosion). All the comparison sites want to know how much you'll use before they give you answers and lots isn't one of the options available to pick. I know there's 6 of us, well, there will be, there's only five at the moment, we're still looking for a sixth. I know it will be expensive. There is nothing out there that is a rough guide to sorting out utilities for students moving into shared housing for the first time. I know technically it's not my first time, but, somewhat shamefully, a different housemate sorted it all out in Southampton and I didn't bother getting involved to see how they did it. I'm paying for it now though. I've picked a plan, and I'm getting the meter changed over next week. I do feel very pleased with myself I've figured it out and sorted it. I just hope I picked correctly.
In other exciting news I have children! I have a boy fresher and a girl fresher. One of them is a mature student I think, although they aren't replying to my messages at the moment :-s Although I guess if you had a randomer sending you a message on facebook saying "hi, I'm your mum", you'd probably ignore them too. Wifey and I are planning on cooking a meal for them at our house. Details of our tutors have been released and our intranet page is looking very whizzy now as more stuff is added to it.
I'm working at the uni this weekend as an open day helper which I'm looking forward to. It's been ages since I did anything like that. To be honest, it's more the £7.33 an hour I'm looking forward to. There's been an announcement on the intranet they will be advertising for people to sit in our life science room which has books, computers and plastic models in it and be a life science technical helper. Talking to last years' second years, it's an evening job that involves sitting in the room and making sure no one trashes the place or steals things. They're quite happy for you to sit and work while you're there. I'm seriously tempted to go for it, although I wonder if I'd be able to fit it in with my GP job I'll be going back to. That's as well as trying to be better friends with my housemates than I managed to at my last degree. I think my downfall there was the hours I spent working in my room that they spent downstairs watching telly or going out together. I have to try and make more of an effort this time. Oh, and this week I need to decide if I'm rowing with the city club for this year or not. It's my last chance to row with them, and it looks like there's a perfect squad to fit me, if I can just maintain the oomph to go train and fit it in with the rest of my life. If someone could just sponsor me to do med, that would be great. That way I wouldn't have to decide between course, friends, sports, jobs, cooking and sleep.
I mentioned last time listening to music while I work and the song I linked to last time is a favourite Friday song of mine. Had you been a fly on the wall, after one particularly busy Friday you would have seen me playing that song on full blast dancing around Mr's room like a loon, with him smiling at me and wondering how he landed himself such a funny, strange girlfriend. I believe people must think that of me fairly often, as I frequently find myself bopping away to the songs I'm listening to whilst sitting in my chair at work. It's only small dancing, but there's definite swaying, tapping and bouncing. Ah well, life would be boring if we didn't have our oddities, wouldn't it? Another song I'm loving at the moment is Titus Jones - Pokestar The whole album it's on is great, but there's a couple of stand out songs for me and this is one of them.
Gas and electric however, completely floored me. There are so many different tariffs available, how do I know which one's best? Is it better for us to be on a standing charge or not? Currently the house is economy 7 which seems like a stupid idea for a bunch of students, so how do I go about changing it and do I have to, and will it cost and *pop* (small bean explosion). All the comparison sites want to know how much you'll use before they give you answers and lots isn't one of the options available to pick. I know there's 6 of us, well, there will be, there's only five at the moment, we're still looking for a sixth. I know it will be expensive. There is nothing out there that is a rough guide to sorting out utilities for students moving into shared housing for the first time. I know technically it's not my first time, but, somewhat shamefully, a different housemate sorted it all out in Southampton and I didn't bother getting involved to see how they did it. I'm paying for it now though. I've picked a plan, and I'm getting the meter changed over next week. I do feel very pleased with myself I've figured it out and sorted it. I just hope I picked correctly.
In other exciting news I have children! I have a boy fresher and a girl fresher. One of them is a mature student I think, although they aren't replying to my messages at the moment :-s Although I guess if you had a randomer sending you a message on facebook saying "hi, I'm your mum", you'd probably ignore them too. Wifey and I are planning on cooking a meal for them at our house. Details of our tutors have been released and our intranet page is looking very whizzy now as more stuff is added to it.
I'm working at the uni this weekend as an open day helper which I'm looking forward to. It's been ages since I did anything like that. To be honest, it's more the £7.33 an hour I'm looking forward to. There's been an announcement on the intranet they will be advertising for people to sit in our life science room which has books, computers and plastic models in it and be a life science technical helper. Talking to last years' second years, it's an evening job that involves sitting in the room and making sure no one trashes the place or steals things. They're quite happy for you to sit and work while you're there. I'm seriously tempted to go for it, although I wonder if I'd be able to fit it in with my GP job I'll be going back to. That's as well as trying to be better friends with my housemates than I managed to at my last degree. I think my downfall there was the hours I spent working in my room that they spent downstairs watching telly or going out together. I have to try and make more of an effort this time. Oh, and this week I need to decide if I'm rowing with the city club for this year or not. It's my last chance to row with them, and it looks like there's a perfect squad to fit me, if I can just maintain the oomph to go train and fit it in with the rest of my life. If someone could just sponsor me to do med, that would be great. That way I wouldn't have to decide between course, friends, sports, jobs, cooking and sleep.
I mentioned last time listening to music while I work and the song I linked to last time is a favourite Friday song of mine. Had you been a fly on the wall, after one particularly busy Friday you would have seen me playing that song on full blast dancing around Mr's room like a loon, with him smiling at me and wondering how he landed himself such a funny, strange girlfriend. I believe people must think that of me fairly often, as I frequently find myself bopping away to the songs I'm listening to whilst sitting in my chair at work. It's only small dancing, but there's definite swaying, tapping and bouncing. Ah well, life would be boring if we didn't have our oddities, wouldn't it? Another song I'm loving at the moment is Titus Jones - Pokestar The whole album it's on is great, but there's a couple of stand out songs for me and this is one of them.
Friday, 9 September 2011
A hodge podge of placement, work and music
Happy Friday! Continuing the trend, I have two weeks to go!! Placements were released yesterday, and I've been given a rural GP's. Still making my mind up about that one. I'd wanted to go to the one I already work at as a receptionist/administrator, because that would have completed the circle nicely. I would have seen everything that surgery does. I can't work out if a rural GP's means I'll get to do more because they may be more relaxed, or I won't see anything because they are so tiny. I'm not looking forward to the 20 minute commute to get there, but it could be worse. Some people have to go much further than I do.
All that's left to find out now is what my SSU's are and who my fresher children are. I'm trying to work out what to do with my children on our parent's night. My parents took me bowling. I'm torn between that, cooking a nice meal for them at my house, or showing them a great pub in Exeter they may not discover by themselves. I'm sure they'll be a little weirded out whatever, as we are an odd couple. I'm a mature female student and the girl I took for my wife repeated first year. I cooked for my mentees at Southampton the first time I met them, and that worked well. They appreciated having proper home cooked food for once. Well, it went well until one of them had an epileptic fit on the driveway and we had to take him to hospital. Hmmm. Anyone have any suggestions?
I'm somewhat buried at work. My boss is going on holiday next week, so gave me his backlog of work to clear as much of it as I can before he gets back. That's on top of the projects I already had from him to do. Most of those are just starting to get big and actionable as people are finally responding to the questions I sent them weeks ago, now they realise I'm going soon. With that, comes the little spreadsheet queries people have, as the people that are used to me being here that I have worked with over the years fall back into the mind set of 'Oh, it's a spreadsheet thing, Bean'll do it.' I did get a little stressy last week. I had a day where I was given masses of stuff to do, which looked simple at first but none of it was in the end. I cleared none of it that day, I was so frustrated and just felt completely rubbish at my job. Just as things were getting too much, mr and I's song came on the playlist I was listening to (a radio station made of all the songs and artists I love on we7.com). It's not really a happy song, but it always seems to come on when we are together - a busker will start singing it, or it'll come on the radio or start playing in a shop. It calmed me down so much. He's on exercise at the moment, stuck on a moor somewhere and pretty much out of contact for a few weeks. It's pants because I normally speak to him everyday and I really miss chatting to him. At Southampton we used to work together and if either of us got stressed with what we were working on the other could tell and would initiate a five minute break of a chat and a back rub. At that moment, silly as it sounds, it just felt like he was watching and he knew I was stressed so he sent that song. I know, I know, I'm soppy beyond redemption. Shoot me now, disgusting loved up person that I am.
Songs are really important to me. I love songs that remind me of events, people, places and great times. So, my loved playlist is pretty eclectic, but putting the right music on can really alter my mood. For example, I have masses of work to do at the moment, so I have dance music on so the beat helps keep my motivated and concentrated - Chase and Status today and the bootie mashup by DJs from Mars - Show Me in the Deep (Listen here). Bootie mashups are great because they can put a really different spin on songs. There's a couple where I love the mashups more than the original. If I'm learning I like either dance, house, funky folk (Seth Lakeman, The Bad Shepherds) or something soft and quiet, like Joshua Radin or JJ Cale. Rock guitar and grizzly vocal pieces come out if I'm grumpy and am happy to stay grumpy for a bit, like Queen sung by Paul Rogers or Daughtry, or happy cheesy stuff like Sara Bareilles and Colbie Caillat if I don't want to grump anymore. You can tell a lot about me by listening to what music I'm playing. I listen to music all the time, I love it. I like so much there's bound to be stuff you like and others you don't, but I don't care what others think of my music taste. I listen to it because it makes me happy.
All that's left to find out now is what my SSU's are and who my fresher children are. I'm trying to work out what to do with my children on our parent's night. My parents took me bowling. I'm torn between that, cooking a nice meal for them at my house, or showing them a great pub in Exeter they may not discover by themselves. I'm sure they'll be a little weirded out whatever, as we are an odd couple. I'm a mature female student and the girl I took for my wife repeated first year. I cooked for my mentees at Southampton the first time I met them, and that worked well. They appreciated having proper home cooked food for once. Well, it went well until one of them had an epileptic fit on the driveway and we had to take him to hospital. Hmmm. Anyone have any suggestions?
I'm somewhat buried at work. My boss is going on holiday next week, so gave me his backlog of work to clear as much of it as I can before he gets back. That's on top of the projects I already had from him to do. Most of those are just starting to get big and actionable as people are finally responding to the questions I sent them weeks ago, now they realise I'm going soon. With that, comes the little spreadsheet queries people have, as the people that are used to me being here that I have worked with over the years fall back into the mind set of 'Oh, it's a spreadsheet thing, Bean'll do it.' I did get a little stressy last week. I had a day where I was given masses of stuff to do, which looked simple at first but none of it was in the end. I cleared none of it that day, I was so frustrated and just felt completely rubbish at my job. Just as things were getting too much, mr and I's song came on the playlist I was listening to (a radio station made of all the songs and artists I love on we7.com). It's not really a happy song, but it always seems to come on when we are together - a busker will start singing it, or it'll come on the radio or start playing in a shop. It calmed me down so much. He's on exercise at the moment, stuck on a moor somewhere and pretty much out of contact for a few weeks. It's pants because I normally speak to him everyday and I really miss chatting to him. At Southampton we used to work together and if either of us got stressed with what we were working on the other could tell and would initiate a five minute break of a chat and a back rub. At that moment, silly as it sounds, it just felt like he was watching and he knew I was stressed so he sent that song. I know, I know, I'm soppy beyond redemption. Shoot me now, disgusting loved up person that I am.
Songs are really important to me. I love songs that remind me of events, people, places and great times. So, my loved playlist is pretty eclectic, but putting the right music on can really alter my mood. For example, I have masses of work to do at the moment, so I have dance music on so the beat helps keep my motivated and concentrated - Chase and Status today and the bootie mashup by DJs from Mars - Show Me in the Deep (Listen here). Bootie mashups are great because they can put a really different spin on songs. There's a couple where I love the mashups more than the original. If I'm learning I like either dance, house, funky folk (Seth Lakeman, The Bad Shepherds) or something soft and quiet, like Joshua Radin or JJ Cale. Rock guitar and grizzly vocal pieces come out if I'm grumpy and am happy to stay grumpy for a bit, like Queen sung by Paul Rogers or Daughtry, or happy cheesy stuff like Sara Bareilles and Colbie Caillat if I don't want to grump anymore. You can tell a lot about me by listening to what music I'm playing. I listen to music all the time, I love it. I like so much there's bound to be stuff you like and others you don't, but I don't care what others think of my music taste. I listen to it because it makes me happy.
Tuesday, 30 August 2011
Marking Time
4 weeks, just 19 working days left. I am as excited this time as I was this time last year when I was waiting to start for the first time. Although, I have less of the 'what ifs' this time; I know what's in store, I know I can do it, I just want it to be here now. Well, I do and I don't. I would like a little extra time because I have quite a to do list at work and I don't think I'm going to get it all done. Ever the perfectionist, I hate leaving work unfinished. Having the three day weekend was lovely. Can all weekends be three days long from now on please? I got so much done, it was great. That is one thing I really do miss - the joy that comes with it being a Friday or a bank holiday Monday. You just don't get the same feeling being a student.
Our new medical school intranet site has gone live, so my obsessive checking habit has now turned to checking the intranet to see which groups I'm in, what my timetable will be, what GP Placement I'll have and which SSU's I will be doing. Timetables are up, but that's not a lot of use without knowing what group number I am in. I can see I finish every Friday at 2, which I like very much, though I'm sure my part time job will soon have something to remedy that with. The Life Science group lists are up, and if I know that I can work out what I'll be for everything else, but I can't access them! I get an access denied message which is somewhat frustrating. Apparently the fourth years have their bits up so hopefully they shouldn't keep us waiting too much longer.
I've had another weekend at Mr's where we went blackberrying and found that our favourite restaurant in Salisbury, Charter 1227 had burnt down and won't be open again until March. We had a meal in the Officers Mess but because it was the holidays there was only the two of us booked in for dinner. The chef cooked us the most elaborate, delicious, fancy meal I think I've ever tasted. He'd done the table up with flowers and really gone to town for us. I normally feel guilty enough having silver service for ordinary meals as it is, but he went to so much trouble, and he was so humble when we told him how much we enjoyed it. Nothing much else going on at the moment. I'm just waiting....
Our new medical school intranet site has gone live, so my obsessive checking habit has now turned to checking the intranet to see which groups I'm in, what my timetable will be, what GP Placement I'll have and which SSU's I will be doing. Timetables are up, but that's not a lot of use without knowing what group number I am in. I can see I finish every Friday at 2, which I like very much, though I'm sure my part time job will soon have something to remedy that with. The Life Science group lists are up, and if I know that I can work out what I'll be for everything else, but I can't access them! I get an access denied message which is somewhat frustrating. Apparently the fourth years have their bits up so hopefully they shouldn't keep us waiting too much longer.
I've had another weekend at Mr's where we went blackberrying and found that our favourite restaurant in Salisbury, Charter 1227 had burnt down and won't be open again until March. We had a meal in the Officers Mess but because it was the holidays there was only the two of us booked in for dinner. The chef cooked us the most elaborate, delicious, fancy meal I think I've ever tasted. He'd done the table up with flowers and really gone to town for us. I normally feel guilty enough having silver service for ordinary meals as it is, but he went to so much trouble, and he was so humble when we told him how much we enjoyed it. Nothing much else going on at the moment. I'm just waiting....
Friday, 19 August 2011
5 July
On the 5th July 2006 the bottom fell out of my world. The 5th July was to me what the third Thursday in August is to A Level sitters. Judgement day. I left high school with good GCSE's and when I picked up the college prospectus I couldn't pick just 4 AS/A Levels, there was just so much that looked interesting. Tucked in the back half of the prospectus was a course that would let me keep my diversity and do loads of subjects. While all of my friends went off to do A levels, I enrolled on a course none of them had heard of and prepared myself to study the equivalent of 8 A Levels. In hindsight, I may have been a little crazy and a slight sucker for punishment. What can I say, I'm never one to take the easy route. 5th July is the International Baccalaureate results day. The results come out on the IB website at a certain time of day. I was feeling fairly confident because despite a few hiccoughs, a chemistry tutor and a swap of subject levels, I had worked my socks off, why shouldn't I have the results I deserved? That's how it worked, right? I needed 655 in my highers. I got 644. A black hole opened in my stomach, white noise filled my head and through the tears I squinted at the figures on the screen, trying to make them change to be what I needed.
It actually felt like my world ended. I had worked so hard and I hadn't gotten the grades. Maybe I wasn't good enough after all. I had been in slight disbelief when the Connexions career test said I should be a Doctor, as it hadn't ever entered my head. Since then it had always been in the back of my mind there was no way I was clever enough. This just proved it. Telling my family I had failed was hard. They'd been so proud I got a place at medical school and I'd let them all down (apart from Dad, because I was the first from his side of the family to stay on at school past 16, so he was proud of me just for going to college). I went off to Uni in September to my insurance choice: same uni, different course. I sat on the bus on the way to lectures listening to the medics laughing about how they weren't going to that lecture because they were too hung over and they weren't doing that essay because they couldn't be bothered. I hated those bus journeys. What I wouldn't give to be in their shoes.
I wouldn't change my path to medicine for anything. It all worked out in the end. I met my wonderful boyfriend, got involved in new sports, considered other career options I hadn't dreamt of before, tried my hand at research and thoroughly enjoyed it, found out just how far I can push myself until I physically break and how to cope with continuing to work whilst broken, met fantastic friends, got all my partying done and learnt to settle down and work when I cannot stand the subject material I'm working on because I can see the long game. Most importantly I think, I learnt to value my place. I had to work harder for it than I ever imagined when I first applied in October 2005, and having felt both the elation of an unconditional and the despair of an unsuccessful I will never forget how gutted the 16 other people I fought off to get my place must have felt.
So, if you opened your results envelope yesterday and didn't get what you were hoping for, take some time for yourself to re-evaluate, look at the new opportunities that are open to you and really think about what you want to do with your future. Perhaps you've been a little too focussed on one thing for so long you hadn't thought of all the other things you'd be really good at and could enjoy doing. If med is all you want to do after thinking through that then don't give up. Keep working until you've exhausted every opportunity and you really are down to your last shot. Each knock back should only make you stronger. You know you can do it, you know it's for you, you just have to convince other people. It will mean plenty of dog work on volunteer work experience and all-nighters writing essays about topics you couldn't care less about, but if you want to, you can focus and get done what needs to be done to achieve your goals.
If you got your results and you are going to medical school in September then congratulations, but the hard work starts now. Don't forget the people who weren't as lucky as you, those who got unsuccessfuls or lower grades, because you now have to work to show you deserve the opportunity you were given. There are many others who would have your spot in a heartbeat and you'd be surprised how quickly you forget how difficult it was to get in and how stressed you were during the application cycle waiting for the magic words on Track. Apart from that, have fun celebrating and packing. My top tip: take a door stop and biscuits to help you make friends with housemates when you first move in.
It actually felt like my world ended. I had worked so hard and I hadn't gotten the grades. Maybe I wasn't good enough after all. I had been in slight disbelief when the Connexions career test said I should be a Doctor, as it hadn't ever entered my head. Since then it had always been in the back of my mind there was no way I was clever enough. This just proved it. Telling my family I had failed was hard. They'd been so proud I got a place at medical school and I'd let them all down (apart from Dad, because I was the first from his side of the family to stay on at school past 16, so he was proud of me just for going to college). I went off to Uni in September to my insurance choice: same uni, different course. I sat on the bus on the way to lectures listening to the medics laughing about how they weren't going to that lecture because they were too hung over and they weren't doing that essay because they couldn't be bothered. I hated those bus journeys. What I wouldn't give to be in their shoes.
I wouldn't change my path to medicine for anything. It all worked out in the end. I met my wonderful boyfriend, got involved in new sports, considered other career options I hadn't dreamt of before, tried my hand at research and thoroughly enjoyed it, found out just how far I can push myself until I physically break and how to cope with continuing to work whilst broken, met fantastic friends, got all my partying done and learnt to settle down and work when I cannot stand the subject material I'm working on because I can see the long game. Most importantly I think, I learnt to value my place. I had to work harder for it than I ever imagined when I first applied in October 2005, and having felt both the elation of an unconditional and the despair of an unsuccessful I will never forget how gutted the 16 other people I fought off to get my place must have felt.
So, if you opened your results envelope yesterday and didn't get what you were hoping for, take some time for yourself to re-evaluate, look at the new opportunities that are open to you and really think about what you want to do with your future. Perhaps you've been a little too focussed on one thing for so long you hadn't thought of all the other things you'd be really good at and could enjoy doing. If med is all you want to do after thinking through that then don't give up. Keep working until you've exhausted every opportunity and you really are down to your last shot. Each knock back should only make you stronger. You know you can do it, you know it's for you, you just have to convince other people. It will mean plenty of dog work on volunteer work experience and all-nighters writing essays about topics you couldn't care less about, but if you want to, you can focus and get done what needs to be done to achieve your goals.
If you got your results and you are going to medical school in September then congratulations, but the hard work starts now. Don't forget the people who weren't as lucky as you, those who got unsuccessfuls or lower grades, because you now have to work to show you deserve the opportunity you were given. There are many others who would have your spot in a heartbeat and you'd be surprised how quickly you forget how difficult it was to get in and how stressed you were during the application cycle waiting for the magic words on Track. Apart from that, have fun celebrating and packing. My top tip: take a door stop and biscuits to help you make friends with housemates when you first move in.
Monday, 15 August 2011
6 weeks...
Firstly, thanks for all your lovely comments on my last post, they really cheered me up. This last week I've had Mr down to stay so I've been really spoilt being able to come home from work to him every night. We went out for meals, had nights in front of the telly and went strawberry picking for the biggest, reddest, juiciest strawberries I've ever seen. It was great. That went some way to lessening the blow that came with me doing a sensible thing and extending my contract at work for another week, since we start back a week later than I thought we might. I now have 6 weeks to go. I am currently wading through 100 divorce cases to compile a tracking spreadsheet so you can easily see where we're at with every case and see if I can find some we haven't charged for yet. Each case gets us £1,500, so I'm potentially going to generate lots of money for the company. Divorce is expensive! Unfortunately for me, the files are all stored on an online/intranet storage website and there's so much paperwork and correspondence to sort through to see what's happened. It doesn't help I've never had any dealings with divorce before, so had to have a quick divorce procedure 101 before I started. To say my Monday is dragging is a serious understatement. 6 weeks, 6 weeks, 6weeks….
In other more exciting news, I've started planning my elective!! :) Slightly ahead of schedule… I wanted to see what the options where, to give myself plenty of time to raise funds if an overseas one was feasible, or time to decide it wasn't and plan a UK one. I've had my heart set on an overseas one since I first started considering medicine as a degree. Seeing all my college friends go off on their gap summers and gap years while I went to work in an office with very little natural light and an over active air conditioning system only made me more jealous. I've always known it was somewhat of a pipe dream, and not getting a fee loan further put the kibosh on any hopes of me doing an elective somewhere hot and sunny. Doing a bit of digging and it turns out it may not be as unachievable as I first thought. It will be a lot of money, but if I can put some away I should be able to afford it. If the Student Loans Company decides to be silly and not pay me in the intervening years, well then I can use the money for fees, and still have plenty of time to plan a cheaper UK alternative. For now though.. I'm dreaming of Fiji or Malta, or the Bahamas…. I have a dinghy, a Laser Radial XD (with an interchangeable 4.7 rig), that I never sail anymore. I just don't have the time. It's such a shame because I love that boat and I have a horrible feeling if I sell it I'll never get back into sailing again. It was a present, a beautiful boat and it clears my head so much sailing it. When I'm in it it's an extension of myself; I love being out on the water. But being realistic and cold-hearted and grown up I haven't been out on it in years, and because of where I have to keep it, I probably won't for years more. I can't keep paying for club membership and boat mooring fees if I'm not going to use it. I'm going to try and sell it and put most of the money towards paying for the awesome elective I've always dreamed of, and use a little to buy myself a kayak so I can still get out on the water that's a little closer to home.
In other more exciting news, I've started planning my elective!! :) Slightly ahead of schedule… I wanted to see what the options where, to give myself plenty of time to raise funds if an overseas one was feasible, or time to decide it wasn't and plan a UK one. I've had my heart set on an overseas one since I first started considering medicine as a degree. Seeing all my college friends go off on their gap summers and gap years while I went to work in an office with very little natural light and an over active air conditioning system only made me more jealous. I've always known it was somewhat of a pipe dream, and not getting a fee loan further put the kibosh on any hopes of me doing an elective somewhere hot and sunny. Doing a bit of digging and it turns out it may not be as unachievable as I first thought. It will be a lot of money, but if I can put some away I should be able to afford it. If the Student Loans Company decides to be silly and not pay me in the intervening years, well then I can use the money for fees, and still have plenty of time to plan a cheaper UK alternative. For now though.. I'm dreaming of Fiji or Malta, or the Bahamas…. I have a dinghy, a Laser Radial XD (with an interchangeable 4.7 rig), that I never sail anymore. I just don't have the time. It's such a shame because I love that boat and I have a horrible feeling if I sell it I'll never get back into sailing again. It was a present, a beautiful boat and it clears my head so much sailing it. When I'm in it it's an extension of myself; I love being out on the water. But being realistic and cold-hearted and grown up I haven't been out on it in years, and because of where I have to keep it, I probably won't for years more. I can't keep paying for club membership and boat mooring fees if I'm not going to use it. I'm going to try and sell it and put most of the money towards paying for the awesome elective I've always dreamed of, and use a little to buy myself a kayak so I can still get out on the water that's a little closer to home.
Tuesday, 2 August 2011
Weekend
This weekend was lovely. Friday night I had the choice between my work's summer event and a leaving do. The summer event is where the company I work for hires out a local children's theme park and the employees and their families and friends get the run of the place. You tend to see managers running around the soft play area, having a whale of a time in the ball pool pit and geeing themselves up to go down the death slides. It's normally a good night. The leaving do was for one of the trainee GP's moving on and a receptionist at the GP surgery I work for term time. I figured I'd been to the Summer event before but these people only get one leaving do so I went to the leaving do in a restaurant I wasn't familiar with instead. I had such a good night, it was lovely. I got chatting to some of the GP's who don't normally talk to me because I'm just an office girl, and they were quite surprised to find I was a med student. One of them is in charge of the exams at my med school and another is a personal tutor so was giving me some tips about writing the portfolio analysis essays we have to do.
It was spoilt some what by one of the nurses who I haven't really seen before and haven't talked to. Upon finding out I was a med student from one of the GP's that I do talk to, she yelled across the table at me in all seriousness that I would never be a Doctor, I wasn't suited to it and I should find something else to do as I'm too quiet to make it as a Doctor. I'm sort of used to being told I'm not good enough because it's an argument my Mum always used to use against me when I was younger and messed up at something "You'll never be better than stacking shelves at Tesco", but I've never heard it from someone outside at all. Secondly, I tend to be whatever I need to be for the situation, I don't know if anyone else does, but different situations need a different side of me. When I'm coxing I'm serious, direct, motivational and forceful. That's not what's needed at a leaving do that's not mine, after a long week at work, surrounded by people I don't normally talk to and sat opposite sub Deans of my university! I've had my fair share of rejections in the past and I know it shouldn't, but that comment cut quite deep and keeps playing over in my head. A negative to my face is somewhat harder to swallow than a faceless 'unsuccessful' on UCAS. Truthfully, I don't know I'll be able to do it until I get there, but I'm hoping I should be able to pull together different facets of my personality to be whatever is needed of me to succeed.
Sunday was much better. I went to my Aunt's and my Goddaughter happened to be there. She'd just started walking earlier that week and she's so cute. She has some genetic problems that her paediatricians are still investigating so she's hitting the normal development milestones a little slowly. It's fascinating to watch her and see what she can and can't do. She can understand everything you say but her speaking vocabulary is only about 5 words. She tends to say something once and then won't say it again, and as I said, she's just learnt to walk at the age of 2.5. To be honest, she has such an adorable smile it doesn't matter about her health problems. She just has to smile and you'll do anything for her. She has so many appointments and tests coming up but hopefully when they are done we'll have a better idea of what's wrong and how best to support her. She's happy though, and really, that's all that matters. She's surrounded by people that love her, and she's happy.
It was spoilt some what by one of the nurses who I haven't really seen before and haven't talked to. Upon finding out I was a med student from one of the GP's that I do talk to, she yelled across the table at me in all seriousness that I would never be a Doctor, I wasn't suited to it and I should find something else to do as I'm too quiet to make it as a Doctor. I'm sort of used to being told I'm not good enough because it's an argument my Mum always used to use against me when I was younger and messed up at something "You'll never be better than stacking shelves at Tesco", but I've never heard it from someone outside at all. Secondly, I tend to be whatever I need to be for the situation, I don't know if anyone else does, but different situations need a different side of me. When I'm coxing I'm serious, direct, motivational and forceful. That's not what's needed at a leaving do that's not mine, after a long week at work, surrounded by people I don't normally talk to and sat opposite sub Deans of my university! I've had my fair share of rejections in the past and I know it shouldn't, but that comment cut quite deep and keeps playing over in my head. A negative to my face is somewhat harder to swallow than a faceless 'unsuccessful' on UCAS. Truthfully, I don't know I'll be able to do it until I get there, but I'm hoping I should be able to pull together different facets of my personality to be whatever is needed of me to succeed.
Sunday was much better. I went to my Aunt's and my Goddaughter happened to be there. She'd just started walking earlier that week and she's so cute. She has some genetic problems that her paediatricians are still investigating so she's hitting the normal development milestones a little slowly. It's fascinating to watch her and see what she can and can't do. She can understand everything you say but her speaking vocabulary is only about 5 words. She tends to say something once and then won't say it again, and as I said, she's just learnt to walk at the age of 2.5. To be honest, she has such an adorable smile it doesn't matter about her health problems. She just has to smile and you'll do anything for her. She has so many appointments and tests coming up but hopefully when they are done we'll have a better idea of what's wrong and how best to support her. She's happy though, and really, that's all that matters. She's surrounded by people that love her, and she's happy.
Thursday, 28 July 2011
Office Bean
I have fully settled back into office life now. I have my work to do spreadsheet fully up and running, colour coded for when things need to be done by and rapidly filling up with "can you do this for me by the end of the week?" jobs, and "when you have a minute, can you look at this for me?" jobs. These must be fitted in with the "oo, Bean, do you know how to make it do this?" quick fixes. Slowly the last year goes a bit fuzzy round the edges, like it didn't really happen, and I slip back into feeling like I've been here for years and I could stay here for years more. I'm making the most of being able to paint my nails shockingly bright colours (electric blue today, if you wondered), of finishing work at 4pm and playing cards every Thursday lunch time. I'm still a little sniffy, but much better than I was. Today I had a jolt that prompted me to wake up and start counting the weeks until I finish again; a reminder that this life is not my only life. I had an email inviting me to enrol for second year. :)
For the last two weekends in a row I've been lucky and have been able to see Mr. Last weekend was his Summer Ball, and my presence was requested in a pretty dress. It was a lovely evening, with much mingling, dancing, alcohol and a little coughing, hidden as demurely as I could. Before the ball we went for a walk on some moor land close to his base. We saw wild rabbits, jumped over giant muddy puddles and stood hand in hand in the middle of a flock of swirling birds. It was beautiful. Long distance relationships are hard work, but that walk really made me think about what I want for my future and what I'm working towards. Our mantra at the moment is very much 'one day'. One day we'll be a normal couple, we'll have a house and dogs and cats and we'll go for walks and we'll be a normal couple. I know that's not normal really, but it makes a pretty picture in my head.
One of the biggest problems I have with the drive to see Mr is the nutters that appear to be on the roads. The first weekend I went up there was a car coming at me head on my side of the road, trying to overtake but horribly misjudging it, and a bean sandwich between two milk lorries that nearly made for a squished bean. This time however was the worst. I really did think that was it for me and I was about to die. I was on a roundabout and I looked out my window to see a massive BMW bearing down on me, having decided to move from the inside to the outside lane without checking it was clear first. Luckily I was able to shoot off at the exit on my left and sit quietly in the crosshatched extra wide mouth of the exit for a little bit and slow my heart rate down. I'm more cross that all I could manage was a feeble "eep" instead of finding the horn to frighten the idiot as much as he scared me. I'm really not a bad driver, and this never happened on my commute to Southampton and back. I'd quiet like it to stop though, I don't need my driving skills tested. A nice quiet, uneventful drive would be good.
Finally, it's no secret to those that know me, that beans run on biscuits. Custard creams, shortbread, digestives, I'm not fussed - if I get hungry biscuits are usually what I reach for. To try and healthy me up a bit I've started having Graze boxes and I have to say they are really tasty. Normally I come home from work starving and head straight for the biscuit tin, but not since I've been snacking on these throughout the day. They are tasty and there's a real mix of things available for if you're in a healthy mood or not. If you'd like to try a box for free, use this link on the website enter this promotional code 8N13FZ3
For the last two weekends in a row I've been lucky and have been able to see Mr. Last weekend was his Summer Ball, and my presence was requested in a pretty dress. It was a lovely evening, with much mingling, dancing, alcohol and a little coughing, hidden as demurely as I could. Before the ball we went for a walk on some moor land close to his base. We saw wild rabbits, jumped over giant muddy puddles and stood hand in hand in the middle of a flock of swirling birds. It was beautiful. Long distance relationships are hard work, but that walk really made me think about what I want for my future and what I'm working towards. Our mantra at the moment is very much 'one day'. One day we'll be a normal couple, we'll have a house and dogs and cats and we'll go for walks and we'll be a normal couple. I know that's not normal really, but it makes a pretty picture in my head.
One of the biggest problems I have with the drive to see Mr is the nutters that appear to be on the roads. The first weekend I went up there was a car coming at me head on my side of the road, trying to overtake but horribly misjudging it, and a bean sandwich between two milk lorries that nearly made for a squished bean. This time however was the worst. I really did think that was it for me and I was about to die. I was on a roundabout and I looked out my window to see a massive BMW bearing down on me, having decided to move from the inside to the outside lane without checking it was clear first. Luckily I was able to shoot off at the exit on my left and sit quietly in the crosshatched extra wide mouth of the exit for a little bit and slow my heart rate down. I'm more cross that all I could manage was a feeble "eep" instead of finding the horn to frighten the idiot as much as he scared me. I'm really not a bad driver, and this never happened on my commute to Southampton and back. I'd quiet like it to stop though, I don't need my driving skills tested. A nice quiet, uneventful drive would be good.
Finally, it's no secret to those that know me, that beans run on biscuits. Custard creams, shortbread, digestives, I'm not fussed - if I get hungry biscuits are usually what I reach for. To try and healthy me up a bit I've started having Graze boxes and I have to say they are really tasty. Normally I come home from work starving and head straight for the biscuit tin, but not since I've been snacking on these throughout the day. They are tasty and there's a real mix of things available for if you're in a healthy mood or not. If you'd like to try a box for free, use this link on the website enter this promotional code 8N13FZ3
Wednesday, 20 July 2011
Snotty Bean
Not a lot to update you with I'm afraid. I walked 300m in the rain (not even that, it was drizzle at best!) in a dress and cardigan and I come down with a stinking, horrible cold. Lovely. Whilst I'll admit it's been nice to have time off work sat at home doing not a lot, I'd quite like to stand without wobbling, smell things, go more than 3 minutes without soaking a tissue, have muscles that don't ache and not be addicted to max strength cold and flu tablets and lucozade. I think everyone has staples they turn to when they are ill don't they? Things that make you feel better, whether they work scientifically or not. For me it's supermarket brand cold and flu tablets, lucozade and chicken noodle soup. My knitting is coming along nicely, and I'm finally watching the Godfather trilogy for the first time. I'm getting a taste for what it must be like for other students who do nothing in their holidays and don't work, something which I haven't done in 6 years. That said, my facebook is filling up with people complaining they are bored. I keep thinking how much work I have to do and everyday I call in my boss sounds more and more upset (I have a feeling this isn't because I'm ill, it's because I'm not there to do my/his work). However, when I can't walk for more than a few metres without holding on to something and when I think 3+3=5, I really don't think work is the best place for me at the moment. There is a highlight to my day though. I have just discovered Kleenex balsam fresh tissues with menthol in them. Genius idea :) I shall bid you a snotty adieu and hopefully next time I write I shall be a healthy bouncing bean again.
Saturday, 16 July 2011
In time
Sorry it's been so long since I posted. Lots to fill you in on, as inevitably, all things work themselves out in time. Firstly, I am enormously happy to say I passed! I was sat on the plane hiding my phone from the stewardesses and praying for the pages to load faster before I absolutely had to to turn off the phone because we were taking off when I finally saw the magic green word satisfactory. I passed both the AMK with a score of 28 and the EoY1 with a score of 50. Both comfortably above the pass rate and the cohort mean. I was so happy, I was grinning madly all the way to Lanzarote, and every now and then whilst on holiday I would suddenly be struck with the thought that I was a second year, or a fifth of a Dr.
The holiday was amazing. 7 days of blistering heat with enough of a breeze to just about stop Mr from melting, beautiful scenery, a couple of days on the beach or by the pool and the rest was spent sight-seeing. We went to a couple of amazingly well done landscaped gardens and houses, took a trip around a volcano and down lava caves and saw a natural lagoon in one of the lava tunnels in which lives the only colony in the world of small, white, blind crabs. Very bizarre!
Evenings were spent in the bar playing cards with Mr and indulging (sensibly) in the free bar, or wandering round the local town and harbour front. We ate sausages cooked over the heat of the volcano and had the nicest squid I have ever tasted. We had ice creams in the shade over looking the beach whilst small lizards ran between our feet, and on our last night one of the cats at the hotel came and curled up to go to sleep on my lap. It was bliss. I'm not sure what it was and can only speculate it was the minerals in the water from the volcano, but my hair has been the nicest, shiniest, softest it has ever been. It's like I've stepped out of a Pantene advert. Unfortunately the Lanzarote for Beans fund couldn't raise enough money to keep me there for the sake of having beautiful hair and finally being warm.
It was lovely to be able to spend so much time with Mr, and time where I'm not rushing from place to place, not worrying about things, not thinking of the enormous piles of work to be done or trying to recall nerve tracts and muscle names. I heard news from home that my office job were going to take me back, so once I got back I had one last week at the GP's and I have just finished my first week back at the office job. I have been promoted to senior and had a small pay rise which is nice. I have been tasked with setting up control environments for them, so working out how things should be done and constructing spreadsheets with control elements for people to fill in as they progress through tasks to ensure nothing is missed and it is easy to see where hold ups are and where they are with tasks. I also have 40 30-page documents to write on how administration has been going on some of the schemes and am head up a task to ask all the trustees of schemes whether they want to adopt new government rules about pensions or not. All in ten weeks. Except most of this week has been spent completing tasks my boss has emailed me that are due out urgently today this minute now! It is nice to be back though. The knowledge of how to do things is slowly trickling back to me, and, I won Thursday cards! I was very happy.
After many phone calls, threatening to get my MP involved like I had to do last year, threatening a formal complaint, having some outright lies from them, hearing each person I talked to tell me something different, I finally managed to get Student Finance to give me money, and an apology letter. I shan't entirely believe it until I see the money in my account in September, but things are looking hopeful. All in all things are going pretty well at the moment :)
[All photos taken by me]
 |
| Playa del Papagayos |
The holiday was amazing. 7 days of blistering heat with enough of a breeze to just about stop Mr from melting, beautiful scenery, a couple of days on the beach or by the pool and the rest was spent sight-seeing. We went to a couple of amazingly well done landscaped gardens and houses, took a trip around a volcano and down lava caves and saw a natural lagoon in one of the lava tunnels in which lives the only colony in the world of small, white, blind crabs. Very bizarre!
 |
| Cafe in Jameos del Agua ( near the blind crabs) |
 |
| Lazing on Playa del Papagayo, enjoying the sun |
After many phone calls, threatening to get my MP involved like I had to do last year, threatening a formal complaint, having some outright lies from them, hearing each person I talked to tell me something different, I finally managed to get Student Finance to give me money, and an apology letter. I shan't entirely believe it until I see the money in my account in September, but things are looking hopeful. All in all things are going pretty well at the moment :)
[All photos taken by me]
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